BLOTS

There are some thoughts that you really can't shake off. I guess I have much of those right now. I'm thinking, and thinking hard, on how the heck I can get something off my mind? I think there's no way I can do that. I think of her all the time; how she laugh, how she talked to me, her scent, her passion for life and almost everything about her. Maybe, just maybe, she has really become a part of me. I hope not though, because she's now a goner. Oh how I wish for that one special moment, yes, just one moment, not even an hour or a day, of being with her again to finally come, but hell, it seems so illusive now. Still, she's one thought I really can't shake off.

I’ve always wanted to do things with you - dine, catch a flick, play video games, lie down and ponder life’s wonder, etc. I’ve always wanted to be with you the way I haven’t been, yet, now, it has become a far fetched desire in life. I’m left with the thinking of how great life would be if I’m to spend each waking day beside you, I guess it would be really really nice. Yes, I’m sure it would be nice and your absence break my heart into tiny pieces.

this is a poem I wrote for my friend, Sharline... You were a stranger in my eyes long before but after these years I hope you're not anymore I'd love to think you're a friend who walked into my door although you still make my heart jump off the floor It's amazing how time flies so swiftly and look how you've grown up so fair and lovely But with those wonderful eyes, I don't know what you really see I hope it's the brighter side 'cause I think you're feeling down lately Let me make a wish, it's your day anyway and it would be for your sadness to just pop away You should know, your smile lightens up other people's day so I'm sure The Big Guy will make things go your way Be happy because you deserve nothing less You have that passion for life that'll make you see though the mess The dice will keep on rolling through the tests but your beautiful heart will make you stand at your best I'm sure of these things that I'm saying just

The death of my highschool friend made me think more than how I've been thinking about life lately. Life is kind of unfair. There are those who die young yet they have a good life ahead of them, and there are those who live long when all they do is just to consume oxygen in our atmosphere and cause other pollution. It's really odd to think how fate played tricks on each human existence, i.e. if there is really such thing as fate. I don't know, he's not that of close friend but he's my classmate when we were freshmen and to think that PUPLHS is just a small scholl, 3 sections per year level, all of us know each other and have been friends in one way or another. I think I'm feeling sad right now. Sadness has been part of me lately and now the thought of untimely death elevates it to a new height. I just hope you'll rest in peace, Jayson Omamalin. I would love to believe that after life, there's that place where pain and suffering don't exist.

Can't say goodbye to loving you but must say goodbye to the dream Need to drift on to what's sane look away from what's grim Can't say goodbye to loving you but false hopes must die Should love remain alive there won't be a second try

You don't have to say goodbye to a dream, you just have to wake up from it. Dreams could've been your sweet escape, sanctuary, lucid interval, etc, but sometimes, dreams can just eat you alive, or your sanity if you may want to put it that way. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I thought I'll be able to write some lines now but mind suddenly went blank. Tears form behind my eyes. Damn.

I can't stop thinking about a certain person. Damn she's always on my mind from daybreak till I slumber my eyes to drift with the sandman. I'm thinking, if I can't get her off my mind, then I might as well shut down the whole thinking process if possible. With billions of nerve cells, the human brain is indeed one heck of a central processing unit that hopefully, we can voluntarily shut down anytime convenient to us. How I wish I can lie down and empty my mind out and drain all the thoughts in it. No troubles, no worries, no emotion whatsoever. But I can't...yet I think I just found out how...

Life is a misery or monotonous if I may say, but I guess when I met her, things changed. But now I don't want to get into the mushy details, the point is once you're outlook in life was altered by the presence of other person, once that person is gone you just can't seem to go back to the old you. All that's left is longing for something special, for something nice, for love...love. Yes, I think I've fallen so deeply in love. I can't remember how life was before her, and worse, I can't imagine how life would be in the future. Dammit.

I would love to have these books. TIME critics Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo pick the 100 best English-Language novels from 1923 to the present... A - B     * The Adventures of Augie March (1953), by Saul Bellow     * All the King's Men (1946), by Robert Penn Warren     * American Pastoral (1997), by Philip Roth     * An American Tragedy (1925), by Theodore Dreiser     * Animal Farm (1946), by George Orwell     * Appointment in Samarra (1934), by John O'Hara     * Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (1970), by Judy Blume     * The Assistant (1957), by Bernard Malamud     * At Swim-Two-Birds (1938), by Flann O'Brien     * Atonement (2002), by Ian McEwan     * Beloved (1987), by Toni Morrison     * The Berlin Stories (1946), by Christopher Isherwood     * The Big Sleep (1939), by Raymond Chandler     * The Blind Assassin (2000), by Margaret Atwood     * Blood Meridian (1986), by Cormac McCarthy     * Brideshead Revisited (1946), by Evelyn Waugh    

Must have these stuff atleast before I make another wishlist for 2011's holidays. 1. Nokia BH 505 headset. 2. Ipad or notebook 3. Awesome sound system I came to realize, most of the things I want are intangible...too bad though. Happy holidays anyway.

I think knowing when to stop is one of the greatest knowledge a man can attain in his lifetime. People complain about life and its monotony but hell, do the same thing over and over and let's see if you don't burn yourself out. Most people suffer for they don't know when to stop doing the things that aren't worth doing in the first place. Stop. Must learn to stop. Must. Must. Dammit.

If a lifetime won't be long enough, then I must live one more day, for I'm saving my forever, by loving you in whatever way And though the days will be rough, daily sorrow I might bear, if it would be the price, then I couldn't much care I'll stay in-love with you, foolish others might say, so let me be a fool then, for it's my passion I can't betray Life may come to an end, longing up to the last breath, for staying in-love with you there's nothing I will regret And if a lifetime won't be long enough, then I must live one more day, for I'm saving my forever, by loving you in whatever way

I've fallen in-love with this song the very first time I heard it...

Sometimes, love becomes too strong to just let it go. That's what I'm feeling right now. Things are so obvious, assessment of the situation is a no brainer but still I can't seem to comprehend. I guess there's just really no stopping when it comes to loving her. Sleepless nights will still let me dream of her, awake. I know it's kind of crazy but what is sane in the first place? Christmas is coming and I can never think of any gift this season but...nevermind. I think Christmas will just pass by, much like any other days of longing.

I long for Summer the finest muse I've seen Most nights I'm sleepless yet still it's she that I dream Hers is the scent that lingers I'm a captive of her charm If loving her is a crime then a fugitive I'll become

Jealousy is such an annoying word, just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.  It makes me wanna throw up. I can imagine life living with this word or just the mere thought of it, but then I feel it. It breeds on me.  I consumes my sanity, then I submit. Dammit! Dammit! Jealousy is such an annoying word. WTH is wrong with me?

My love for her is, perhaps, an emotion I'm fated to feel, and her absence is a burden I'm doomed to bear. Day after day my love grows but my longing becomes worse. I guess it's really designed to be this way--love and longing coming hand in hand. Loving someone so much will really never be enough. In this fast-paced life, I often feel that I'm stuck in a moment, lost in trance with the world around me just passing by. In solitude, my heart bleeds and my soul cries. I hear elegy for lost love and requiem for withered hope. There, in that moment, I embrace pain, misery and despair. With her absence, those moments strike so often. Pain becomes too much to bear.

Mine is of senseless existence If you'll be out of my life And now I'm seeing it'll be forever I can't imagine how it would be like Meaningless and insignificant just a pigment of universe's expanse Fooling myself that I'm sober While I put my soul in trance Because there's no way to fill the gap no way to break the walls If it's fate then let it be unquestioned this world is not so small afterall Must live with this longing perhaps die with the pain that springs I breathe in the reality of your absence then suffocate with the poison it brings Mine is of senseless existence If you'll be out of my life And now I'm seeing it'll be forever I can't imagine how it would be like

Sa tuwing naaalala ko yung mga pagkakataon kung saan sinasabi niyang mamamatay na siya kakatawa, kahit papaano natutuwa na din ako. Minsan ang memorya ng tao e limitado lang sa mga gusto nyang maalala. Minsan talaga dumadating sa buhay natin na may mga taong mawawala na talaga sa circulation. Mahirap lang kapag nasanay ka na at parte na sila ng pang araw-araw mong buhay. Ang hirap lang kung minsan kasi para kang babalik sa pagiging sanggol na nag-aaral magsalita, maglakad at maglaro ng Gameboy. Ewan ko ba kung ako lang nakakaisip nito. May mga pagkakataon na pakiramdam ko may mga bagay akong kailangang gawin para makaraos sa isang sitwasyon, pero pag nalaman ng ibang tao yung sitwasyon na yun, kadalasan sasabihin nila na either kain, ligo o tulog lang ang katapat nun. Ayos.

Sometimes I feel the urge to spill everything out, but then I realize that it's not just knowing what to say, but also what not to say. Silence-it has become a sanctuary for most people, but sometimes, silence will just suck up the remaining life in you, just like what it's doing to me. The worst part of missing someone is that point when you realize that it's the only thing that you can do, yet you can't stop longing...yearning...and almost dying every minute reality eats you alive. I guess I really miss her. I really, really do, but it seems nothing can be done. Still, there are nights when I go crazy enough to hope that maybe my phone will beep and then I'll see her name reaching out to me the way I can't reach out to her. Love. Burden. Insanity.

Sometimes, we meet people that we'll love and stop at that, nothing follows, just that single desire to fall and stay in-love. I think I can be added on the list now. Too bad there's a dream that literally means everything and when that dream died, everything follows...I thought. But there's one left now, the dream to stay emotionally attached to her, the dream to keep her in my life in any way possible, the dream to stay just as in-love as I used to be. I would love to love her till my dying day.

There’s an emptiness in me That which I have to live with Knowing I’ll be apart From what I’ll ever need You’re the love that I know The love I’ll always keep But now you’ve become a dream That I’ll only see when I’m asleep Your absence left a void One thing that can’t be filled If it’s something I can’t control Then it’s fate that got me killed A dead man walking Perhaps my soul is gone Your love could’ve saved me But what’s done is done And so I lay lifeless as dead Though there’s still air to breathe But what’s the point on holding on After losing the sole thing you ever need?

I'll be a hypocrite if I'll say that I don't want to hear her say that she loves me, but now, there's just one thing that I would want i.e. to be able to say that I love her. Sometimes even the simplest words can be so hard to say, knowing that she already knows it, still, there's like a thick wall dividing us...maybe it's called fate, and I'm hating it to be honest.

I will love her with all the love a man can give to a woman, as if there's no tomorrow and although this ain't the first, it's perfectly fine if it'll be the last. I love Muffin.

something taken from my archives... Let me write something for you Just in case you don't think I can do it However, it may not be as good as others' Since I'm not a full-blooded poet But let these words flow freely Like an emotion being let gone As free as boundless thoughts From a mind that fears no one Words at their rawest and purest Ain't down to hit around the bush But hopeful it'll leave a mark Like what maple did or the swoosh For I want you to remember this I fear I might not be able to say it again So give me just one moment Hope you will care to listen I'll give up being in Utopia For a chance to lie beside you That's just a fair trade I won't regret for a lifetime or two I guess what I want say Is that I love you so I hope these simple words Are enough to let you know 2:10 AM 10/24/2009  

I feel so sh*tty right now. It feels like everything has gone out of line. Wherever I turn my sight in to, I seem to see a crappy view. Wtf is happening? It's a little too cynical to see the world in its twisted phase but I can't seem to help it, life sucks. It ain't a joke and I'm not laughing.

How can put in to words the love that makes me lose control when I'm seemingly bewitched, my dear by the charm of your body and soul How would I know what to say when your thoughts alone make my heart skip moving restless like a jumping bean lost in dreams though not asleep How can I tell you what I feel if distance has silenced my heart like a thick cold wall between us reminding me we're two worlds apart So I'm stuck in a hallow zone mumbling inaudible childish sounds while I let this love and yearning shake me creating cracks in this unfelt ground And silent I remain might eat my words and choke to death Poor thing, what a waste this love that was kept on stealth

Dreams are shattered Memories are fogotten. Mind won't comprehend for heart is broken. Singing a lullaby in a sleepless night but the monsters underneath are putting up a good fight. Drowning in nostalgia wanting to feel at home. In a place surrounded by demons it's suicidal to be alone. I need to be back to you. Having your love's my exorcism. When loathing breathes in my neck salvage me with your romanticism

Taken from my favourite animé, neon genesis could just be the right words to say. Troubles rise like hell these days, so I guess each and everyone can use a new beginning. I myself must abandon some paths I chose to follow to allow myself to venture in new ones, though it might lead me to part with a feeling I tried to hold on to. Well, I think that's really how life goes. One must really know when to stop.

She's someone I can't help but love. I fall inlove with her, deeper and deeper as days pass. I know if I must stay in love with her I must deal with this feeling of jealousy as if it's a monster I have to vanquish, waiting to devour on my remaining strand of sanity. Why must someone suffer a great deal of pain just because that person loves someone so much? The answer is known, yet most of the time I still find myself puzzled. I love her to the fullest of my sanity, yet this jealousy I feel is really driving me crazy. Loving. Jealous. Hurt. :-(

I miss blogging. Yung tipong magsusulat lang ako na parang nagkkwento. Nagulat ako noong nakaraang linggo nung tinanong ako nung college friend ko kung saan na daw ba ako nagb-blog ngayon. Hindi inakala na isa pala siya sa mga naging readers ko dati. Bigla talaga akong natuwa. Naisip ko, sana magkaron ulit ako ng sapat na oras at inspirasyon sa pagsusulat, para kasing natuyo na yung utak ko ngayon at nagkaron na ako ng ibang outlet i.e. listening to loud music. I've been dealing with same crap though, so I think, if I want to, I can write again, I can blog again.

I had a happy birthday. Yes, I must admit I really had a good day. Muffin gave me a ring, and that completes it all. But now, everything's back to normal. I guess, I'm back on the other side. :-(

25 years of existence. I guess time flies quite so fast. I don't normally celebrate this day, but from time to time I try to think that having to live another year is something worth celebrating for. I used to say that those who celebrate their birthdays are those who feel thankful that they're still alive. Oh well, cut the crap David, puh-leeze! LOL So what's worth remembering on this day, let me check some random events: Tin, my colleague, cooked some pasta for me...and chicken too! It was enough to share to my teammates and they said it tastes good. I say it tastes "very good!" The girl I admire in the office sang happy birthday in front of me, joking with her so called "operatic voice", hahaha! It was really nice. So far 45 people posted something on my facebook wall to greet me, so nice of them, ;) My ultimate crush back in college sent me an SMS last night to greet me *blush*, LOL Of course, Summer also greeted me through SMS, it made me s

Gusto ko lang magkwento ng isang, para sa akin, e nakakatawang pangyayari, hehe! Around 4am, nakikinig ako sa FM radio nang may binati yung DJ, pamilyar yung pangalan...1st, middle and last name yung sinabi kaya sigurado ako sa sa fb fan page idinaan yung greeting, na dali dali kong pinuntahan and bingo! Siya nga! Haha! Siya na naging 'apple of my eye' noong college. Ang galing, may panahon na hinanap ko siya dito sa fb pero di ko makita, akalain mo, sa fan page lang ng radio station ko siya makikita, haha! I tried adding her pero di niya ni-accept, siguro masayang masaya na siya sa married life niya, LOL.

Be the drug and I'll be the addict Someone who can't stop and refuses to fight it. You'll be my favourite addiction one I wouldn't resist but I will come out clean if you would really insist I'll ignore this love I feel but I think it's impossible for me So if you can, ask me not to stop I'm addicted to loving you and let me be Mix with the blood on my veins I couldn't care how much it would cost There's just no stopping it For you're the one I love the most So be the drug I'll be the addict I won't stop I won't even fight it.

Bigla kong naalala yung sinabi sa book na The Informant ni James Grippando. Sabi dun strangers and lovers lang daw ang mga tao na pwedeng mag-usap without inhibitions. Naisip ko tuloy, yun siguro talaga yung dahilan kung bakit di ko masabi sa kanya yung mga gusto kong sabihin. Ewan. Kahit sa blogs ko di ko na rin talaga mai-post yung mga iniisip ko na para bang gusto ko na lang yun mabulok sa utak ko at makalimutan na lang balang araw. Damn inhibitions.

Medyo matagal ko na palang di nakakapag-update. Hindi ko masabi na wala akong time kasi atleast an hour a day nakakapag-browse ako ng net. Hindi ko rin masabi na wala akong idea kasi sa blogging hangga't nakakaramdam ka, meron at meron kang maipopost. Siguro ang kulang sakin e yung "willingness" na magsulat. Sa cellphone ko ang dami nang drafts--mga one-verse poem na gusto ko sanang tapusin pero siguro sa sobrang hype ng emotion e hindi ko na alam kung paano itutuloy. Kapag nakarami mong gustong sabihin parang may fireworks display kung saan sabay-sabay na sumasabog ang mga makukulay na ideya. Gusto mong hulihin lahat, gusto mong tignan at panoorin nang sabay-sabay pero mahirap gawin. Sa bandang huli makikita mo na lang na tapos na pala ang palabas. Sa utak ko malalaman ko na lang na tapos na yung piyesta na ideya. Blanko na naman at makakaramdam ng antok, paggising, balik na naman sa step one.

This time I won't go into details. ;) I didn't imagine that I can lie beside her on the beach under the blanket of starry sky talking till the sun comes up...whew, I'ma treasure that moment. We were there, just talking about the things we agreed to talk about when we get to the beach, lying on the sand, listening to the soft hum of little sea waves, caressed by the cold breeze and watching the stars and waiting for them to fall. We saw four wishing stars, I think that's so nice. I've always like that girl and I guess that moment is one of the so-called "first and last", though I hope it won't be, but whatever tomorrow brings, no matter how life goes in the future, I will always remember that one wonderful moment I shared with her.

The heat of summer reminds me of her coolness...bakit ba lagi ko siyang naaalala ngayon? Malamang dahil sa season, hahahaha! Inaantok ako pero di ako makatulog, mainit naman sa labas kaya dito na lang ako sa harap ng computer magmumuni-muni... She's the girl whom I met two years ago...two summers ago if I may say. Let me take you back to the time when Multiply.com is still active with the power of ctrl+c and ctrl+v also known as copy-paste, hahaha! May 6, 2008 ... Taga PUP din siya pero di na ako magbibigay ng iba pang detalye kasi di naman importante yung identity niya, mas mahalaga yung personality, naks! Well, sa virtual world ko pa lang siya nakikita kaya naman mga utak pa lang namin ang nagkakatagpo, pero base sa mga pictures niya...hmmm, I can say na maganda siya but since I haven't met her in person, di ko masasabi na yun ang gusto ko sa kanya. I like her simply because of her wits, woot! Sobrang turn-on talaga ako sa mga babaeng matatalino pero hindi nerd.  Ganu

I suddenly realized this girl is so awesome, LOL. Profile: Rhian Denise Ramos Howell or Rhian Ramos for short, made an abrupt transition to show business when she was cast as one of the female leads of the popular fantasy-action-drama TV series, Cap t ain Barbell . It was through her McDonalds McJelly Trio TV Commercial that she was noticed by film producer Annette Gozon. She also starred in Lupin also with Richard Gutierrez. She currently works with Mark Herras in My Only Love. Basic Information: Name: Rhian Ramos Nickname: Rhy/Ryan/Dennis Birthday: October 03, 1989 Birth Place: Philippines Showbiz Anniversary: November 30, 2005 Favorites: Hobbies: Sleeping, eating, watching movies Sports: None, my coordination is awful Pets: My Doberman, Claw Actors/Actresses foreign: Tom Hanks Movie: Peter Pan, Gladiator, Spider Man 1 TV Show: Captain Barbell Singer/Band: Up Dharma Down, Radioactive Sago Project, Urbandub Music: Rock, chill out Song: “Total Eclipse of the Hear

Some people fall in love in a usual way, but some fall in love in manner most people can't understand. Let's take a peep on Blatherford's diary... ********************************** I will always remember the sound of her voice, the sweetness of her smile, the cheerfulness of her laughter, the kindness of her touch and the warmth of her embrace. I will always treasure that moment when I felt an unexplainable joy just by laying eyes on her--that moment when I was finally able to cross the line between dreams and reality. Now tell me, how mysterious love can really be?  I guess we will never know. It's just like knowing the existence of something undecipherable. We, sometimes, fall inlove with someone though we know our odds are very low.  Yet most of the time we choose to stay in love with that person even after our own acceptance of defeat. True masters know when to concede. That very first meeting that we had will surely be one of the sweetest memory my mind and

A conscience without God is like a court without a judge. Brutality to an animal is cruelty to mankind - it is only the difference in the victim. Experience is the only prophecy of wise men. Grief and sadness knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger than common joys. Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys. Habit with it's iron sinews, clasps us and leads us day by day. If one had but a single glance to give the world, one should gaze on Istanbul. Limited in his nature, infinite in his desire, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven. Poets and heroes are of the same race, the latter do what the former conceive. Private passions tire and exhaust themselves, public ones never. Providence conceals itself in the details of human affairs, but becomes unveiled in the generalities of history. So

Naiisip ko sana tong buhay ko ngayon e isang mahabang panaginip lang. Yun bang lahat ng tao, pangyayari, lugar at bagay na naging bahagi ng buhay ko e hindi naman pala talaga totoo, tapos bigla na lang pala na hindi pala talaga ako si David Andrew Lasala. Ano nga kaya kung ganun? Siguro hindi ganito. Siguro hindi ganyan. Siguro hindi ginawa ni ganito yung ganyan. Siguro si ganito ganyan. Siguro. Siguro. PI. :c

She had her heart broken A sickening sad scene Caused by a filthy unworthy man One of the dumbest I've seen I would love to break the man's neck But it won't do any good I would love to mend the lady's heart I would if I could But funny as it seems We can't choose who to adore Most times we love the ungiving Who left us broken to the core And so it's like a movie I can't do anything but watch I wanna get involve but I can't As if I'm of no match I wish I can save her from pain I hope she will let me to I would love to give her love To last a lifetime or two

Oh how I love this girl ;)

Its name is sadness Neither my friend nor my foe Struggled from it but failed When will it go away, I don't know The very sole companion Stays all day round As my heart breaks into pieces Knees shaking, can't feel the ground Got used to in its presence Fact that is so unfortunate It has been a part of me Pushing it away is too late Now I breathe in sadness I feed on this pain I scribble these lines Before I fin'ly go insane Because now I am sadness Sadness is me Like a poisoned soul On the verge of insanity

All of us have our own impossible love-that kind of love that, although true, will never ever be returned. Sometimes we cross that very thin line between hopes and fantasy; hope is where truthfulness and reality still coincides while fantasy is where you dream of illusive things, and that's where impossible love lies. Impossible love. I guess there's nothing wrong with it. Love is an emotion; neither wrong nor right but how we handle it, that's different. Sometimes loving someone becomes synonymous with pain and staying hopeful is almost as good as going crazy. The difference between people who feels an impossible love is this: some knows when to stop, some don't, which is too unfortunate.

"I can't wait to fall in love with you..." You know that line from Timberlake's song Summer Love? Hahaha! That line is playing on my head over and over again, woot! Oh well, patience is a virtue like what they all say ;)

Things will be okay I'm sure it will Life isn't a fairy tale But happy endings can turn real Hold on to positivity Let go all the pain This ain't a perfect world But don't let it drive you insane There's always a bright side Blessings are always in disguise Don't be blinded by the hurtings of the past Face tomorrow with open arms and eyes For I'm sure things will be okay Though your night seems so long The sun will shine back in the East Till then just hold on and stay strong

Eto na naman yung punto na blanko na naman utak ko, kaya di na naman ako makapagsulat para madagdagan yung Muffin Poetry ko. Dito na lang muna ako magpopost sa main blog, main blog na halos di ko na rin naman nagagawan ng updates. I miss blogging. I miss writing some stuff na sa blog mo lang masasabi, pero these days call for more comfortable outlet than blogging. I think I can use some company. Comforting words will be welcome but it won't be necessary. I think I just want to be with someone to spend silence with, or maybe casual talks than can make me feel that some other things exist, other than this crap I've been seeing all the time. I guess this time blogging can do less than what it has done to me in the past few years, yet, I still miss blogging.

Moving forward I'll start posting under Muffin Poetry . I hope you can do check it out, thanks.

You're the love I come to know The one I won't dare to forget You're the one I love most true Without a trace of regret With a touch of this love A poet I've become I write lines that rhyme That can sound amusing to some The poems I write for you Are not just words, though It's the sacred part of my soul That I've decided to show I confess to you my love I will stay for a lifetime or two Words my not sound perfect But they certainly are true Poems are the best thing a poet can give And so I give to you my best As a man, I give you all my love Let the Lord help me with the rest Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

One heart that beats A heart that beats for one Longing for nobody but you Like a young bud to morning sun Never thought it could love A much love as it feels now Wondering how far it will go Will it lead to you somehow? Frozen for once Yet it melts with your smile Your embrace has a peculiar warmth Would you mind staying a little more while? For there is a heart that beats Each heartbeat is only for you With enough love to believe That dreams do come true Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

There's a hole in my heart One that can't be filled And even if I survive each I can't deny that you're the one I need I need to feel your love I need to feel that you care The need grows deeper And so I wish to meet you there Where reality and fantasy co-exist Melting pot of hopes and dreams Where I can say I truly love you And won't sound crazy at it seems I hope to meet you there Perhaps that's all I'll need For the sadness to fade away And the void to be filled New Email addresses available on Yahoo! Get the Email name you've always wanted on the new @ymail and @rocketmail. Hurry before someone else does!

If you'll be a dream that I won't realize I'd rather not feel your presence nor witness you with my eyes If you'll just be a fantasy that won't ever turn real I'd rather not hold you for a second for time with you won't stand still But I will stay in love with you that I'm so certain about I guess I'll just die each day because you're the one I can't live without How merciless is fate How unfortunate is a man How do you get by each day Living with empty hands But staying in love with you isn't a choice Maybe it was really meant to be The same way that you cannot stay Like you're fated to turn your back on me New Email addresses available on Yahoo! Get the Email name you've always wanted on the new @ymail and @rocketmail. Hurry before someone else does!

Gusto kong maalala yung araw na yun bilang isa sa pinakamahabang araw ng buhay ko so far. Yun ata yung una at huling date namin, hahaha! We haven't had the chance to close friends, haven't had the chance to hang out, haven't had the chance to burn telephone lines, but she's such a significant person to me--but shit happens as they all say, she fell for another guy and I fell for another girl then we seem to have forgotten each other. Salamat na lang sa facebook at nabuksan ulit yung communication line...and only to find out that she's already leaving the country. Gulat na gulat talaga ako, inalok ko pa naman sa kanya yung libro ko, inisip ko na magugustuhan niya yun. Buti na lang sa huling pagkakataon pwede pa pala kami magkita, and I never did any second thinking. Lagi kong maaalala yung dinner na yun, yung mga huling pag-uusap namin at kahit alam ko na babalik pa naman siya some other day, makakapag usap pa kami some other time, alam ko na mamimi

I used to call her Muffin She used to call me Bunch Oh how I miss those days I miss it damn much I acted as if I'm her armour But in reality she's my heroine Saving me from sadness One I've been fighting from within She thought I was cool Consoling her with all the right words She didn't know I cared so much Because she has been my world I tried to pull her up when she was down I guess we both found a friend We could've been best friends forever But it's not how I wanted things to end So I jumped at the slim chance Yet I trip and then I fall And so the dreams of happy endings I just lost them all Perhaps I was really crazy As crazy as I am now Because in my secluded dreams I still see her somehow I used to call her Muffin She used to call me Bunch Oh how I miss those days I miss it damn much New Email addresses available on Yahoo! Get the Email name you've always wanted on the new @ymail and @rocketmail. Hurry before someo

You're the cemetery Where I bury all my dreams My heart sings its mournful elegy My world crashes with the rhythm O such a waste I gave you much love Yet you pushed me away For all those things I don't have What is it that you want Do you know what you really need You seemed lost in your fantasy One thing you can't get over with I tried to take your hand I know you played along I thought we're coming to our senses I guess we we're wrong Your love's a phony One fact I should have seen It's much of a cemetery Where I'll bury all the dreams

Stuck in silence Frozen by fear Body gone numb Knowing time is near Mirthless smile Sign of submission Smell of blood Gone to oblivion Every second is tormenting Body cries for its grave Prolong not the inevitable Hope not for soul to be saved Ought to find if Hell do exists If this ain't Hell yet Now questions will be answered Holding on each bet No last minute saviour Heroes, they just don't exist Parting indeed is a sweet sorrow A temptation so hard to resist

People come and go. Too bad it's really something we must live with. It hurts to know that after a hearty promise of staying with each other, there are some who are forced by circumstances to break such vow. No decision is ever made in vacuum, that's one thing we must all understand. I promised to stay with her, she promised to stay with me, but I guess the best way to thank someone who had the guts to say that they will never leave is to let them break that promise one day. She broke her promise to me, now I'm breaking mine, my fault though. I shouldn't have made things more complicated but things can't be undone. I guess we must all live with the fact that good things do come to an end. I'm going to miss her for sure.

Ink flows once more when blood starts to drop Rhymes began to flow When the beating of heart stopped Pain's something to write on Oh damn I'm a poet once again There's a new beginning In something's bitter end

Oo, siguro nga wala talaga akong talent sa pagsusulat, di ko naman kasi talaga linya ang language and arts, pero nakakatuwa talaga kapag nakakatanggap ako ng kaunting compliment from my readers. Oh well, the mere fact na may nagtiyaga magbasa sa sinulat ko e nakakatuwa na talaga. Namimiss ko na tuloy magsulat. Hindi na ako magawa ng poetry ngayon, ewan ko ba kung bakit. I miss having something to write on, having someone to write for. Natutuyo na yung tinta ng ballpen ko, marupok na rin yung papel na sinusulatan ko, hindi ko na alam kung kelan pa ulit ako makakapagsulat. Dati halos araw araw nakakagawa ako ng atleast isang poem, kahit walang artistic value, atleast gawa ko, hahaha! Pero ngayon, lagi na lang akong hanggang first stanza, yung last poem ata na nagawa ko e para pa dun sa birthday nung kaibigan ko, that was Feb 6, ano'ng petsa na? Haaay... Gusto ko magsulat...gusto ko magsulat para sa "kanya", pero di ko magawa, nakakatakot kasi, baka makita ko na lang yung

I've always believed when Lao Tzu said that loving makes you brave but it's being loved that makes you strong. I've grown weak as time pass.  I could've hold on for her. Fight for her. Fight what I know is right, but we all know when to stop.  The last drop of strength withered its way out of my system but there's just one more act that I need to do and it requires me to summon whatever courage and strength I may have left--that is staying out of her life. It will hurt me. It may also hurt her, yet it must be done atleast at the present time to prevent more hurtings. I love her and I'll give up everything to make her happy, I guess I've been saying this for the nth time now. I must be strong enough to back off.

There will be a time when you will be forced to give up everything you've ever wanted for the sake of greater good. Those are the times when you need to do what you need to do as opposed to what you want to do. You will be caught up in an ethical dilemma where, in the end, you'll just realize that you have to do the right thing. I guess that's where I am right now. I have never regretted the closeness that had transpired between us two, I never will. I'd give up everything for her to be happy and when I say everything, I mean everything. I think that's just proper. There are things that we just have to accept though it's so damn hard. Some situations will call us to sacrifice the most precious possessions that we bear. All for the sake of our beloved's wellness. All for the sake of greater good.

I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it

For every moment of daylight when the sun touches my skin For every second of night time when coldness freezes me within I yearn to feel your touch wanting to be close to you I long to be somewhere near Just for a second or two Praying to be next to you Never wanted something so bad Been so far from you, my muse Never thought life can be so sad So many thoughts kept inside Filled with words kept unspoken I'm aware time is running out Must I have the silence broken And say the words like 'I adore you' You're the one most dear But you choosing to walk away Is one that I absolutely fear

Akala ko talaga magkakaron na ng matagalang pagbabago sa sitwasyon nung dumating siya, pero nagkamali ako. Panandalian lang pala. Ngayon balik na naman sa normal ang lahat. Pero naging masaya talaga ako. Hindi ko akalain na magiging masaya ulit ako, bad trip lang kasi panandalian nga lang. Nakabuo ulit ako ng mga pangarap, nabuhayan ulit ng pag-asa at naniwala ulit na may mga magandang bagay pa talaga na pwedeng mangyari--mga bagay na di naman normal sakin. Nalulungkot lang akong isipin na lahat pala matatapos ng ganito kabilis at sa ganitong paraan. Wag daw akong madamot. Isipin ko daw yung mga ibang tao na gusto akong maging "ok". Pahalagahan ko daw yung mga taong totoong nagmamahal sakin. Alalahanin ko daw yung mga "words of wisdom" na ibinibigay ko sa mga taong tumatakbo sakin dati kapag may mga problema sila. Lagi ko daw sinasabi na kailangan nating lumaban para sa sarili natin, yun daw ang dapat kong gawin ngayon. Akala talaga nila ganun ako kalakas, mali na

"The music and the laughter reminded him of Sam, who at this very moment was stiting in a humid oven, string at the bars and counting the days, hoping and perhaps praying now that his lawyer might work a miracle. Sam would never see New Orleans, never again eat oysters or red beans and rice, never taste a cold beer or a good coffee. He would never hear jazz or watch artists paint. He would never again fly on a plane or stay in a nice hotel. He would never fish or drive or do a thousand things free people take for granted." These are the thoughts of Lawyer Adam Hall about his client Sam Clayhall who, at the same time, his grandfather. Taken from the book The Chamber which relates the story of Adam and Sam and their lawyer-client/grandson-grandfater relationship. Adam struggles to save his client's life and take him away from the Death Chamber. Written by John Grisham, this part almost hit the home run for me. It made think, maybe, just maybe all of us are prisoners in ou

It gets harder each day. Nakalimutan kong uminom ng gamot for three times, nawawala kasi lagi sa isip ko, di kasi ako sanay na magkasakit. Lalo ko tuloy namiss yung isang taong hindi ko na nakakausap ngayon. Madalas kasi siya nagpapaalala sakin na inumin yung gamot ko. May mga pagkakataon talaga na wala na tayong magagawa para mapabuti yung sitwasyon o kaya naman maging pabor to satin. May mga bagay na kailangan na lang tanggapin. Nakakalungkot pero kung dun naman siya magiging masaya, bakit ko ipagkakait yun? Kailangan ko lang siguro talagang masanay na wala na siya at di na part ng routine na kinasanayan ko.

I had a nice Saturday, thanks to my good friend Joan for the company. We're suppose to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 but we failed to catch up with the last screening, LOL. But Sherlock Holmes can't be any better. We got mesmerized by his detective skills and add up the factor that he now do physical combat, hahaha! And finally, after weeks of cravings, I was able to get a grab of RR's White Forest, so damn good. All the crap that had happen last week seemed to have been wash away. A good interim for my usual state of loneliness.  Sherlock + White Forest + Good Friend = Happy Weekend

Put out the fire that keeps a man going on, then he's a dead meat. It's too bad to know that sometimes all we need is some glimmer of hope to carry on and yet things most times go out of hand then poof, that hope is gone in an instant. Dead man walking. A hopeless case. A pathetic existence. Sometimes there'll be too much pain to bear that you'll just feel like letting it all go to just escape it all. You meet face to face with cowardice, and he'll be your best comrade.

What could be done in the next 7 years? What could happen? This countdown was discarded for a while but I think the clock starts ticking again. When things go so bad, all I can think of is this countdown. I'm somehow excited, unfortunately. Well, from now on I'll make the most of these coming years, less than a decade yet I have much things to do. I hope, just hope, that the countdown stops ticking again. If not, then I'll just make the most out of these 7 years.

You definitely don't get over loneliness, you just get used to it, and I guess I did. However, after meeting her, life has been unusually happy. I didn't notice that though, not until she's gone. She has been the fine line between my sweetest dream and most bitter reality. Yes, I had dreams about her; dreams of being with her, loving and being loved by her. Every conversation brings me closer to that dream and makes me a believer more and more. But one day, the inevitable comes to play. Fate has spoken and everything went back to the usual stuff. I love her in my own special way and I won't ever doubt that. This may sound crazy but who's sane anyway? Perhaps some other day in some other place, I'll fall in-love with her all over again. For now, I guess I must say goodbye to the dreams, to the fantasies, to this craziness. A blessing in disguise though, I've never wanted anything but for her to be happy and now she can say that she is 100% happy now, and I&#

It's nice to be back! Of course I'll always be thankful to Multiply, Wordpress and Tumblr, but of course, Blogspot is really my home ;) I'll work on the template sooner than soon.