BLOTS

I can watch you walk away I can stare at you as you leave But please don’t turn about I don’t want you to see me as I bleed When you go I’ll die a little And somehow try to live again I’ll die over and over Till I find a way to mend But please don’t come back To only ask if I’m OK If you’ll be here once more Please be sure that you’ll stay Because it’ll only hurt me more To see guilt in your eyes We didn’t want this to end this way But we both have to pay the price Go now my love Leave me here alone But if you feel that’s a wrong decision Don’t hesitate to come back home

There were thousand tears I cried With so much pain I bear inside So much wasting in my life I almost slit my throat with a knife But those useless tears have dried All stupid thoughts have died Childish emotions I’ve set aside No more fears I’m forced to hide I got no more tears for you darling They’ve gone sick of falling I got no more tears for you darling But it didn’t change the fact that it’s you I’m missing I may have no more tears for you But I don’t mean that I stopped loving you I just realized this is the fall Because you said you didn’t love me at all

I just woke up from a nightmare. it was the same nightmare that's been haunting me for quite a while now. there was me catching my breath as i try to catch up with her. she was running so fast and the road where we were seems endless. i smothered when i woke up. i guess i really miss her.it's been a month when we last saw each othere. i thought i'll get used to the fact that she's not here with me but i just can't. i keep on longing and wishing for her. i can clearly recall those days when she was here with me listening to my stories and laughing at my jokes. i miss hte comfort, completeness, joy, security and that undefinable feeling i felt when i was with her i miss her so bad i often soothe myself with those memories she left. my heart wants to believe that those are worth remembering and for real but my mind refuses to do the same. i know ;that all we had wre just stray illusions that broke-in to the real world, and now, those illusions are back where they'r

tulad ng iba naniniwala rin ako na di nakakamatay ang pagiging heartbroken pero gaano nga ba kalaki ang pwedeng maging damage nun? depende siguro sa sitwasyon. parang ganito, 10-20 pesos lang ang halaga ng mineral water sa city pero sa disyerto, halos buhay na ang katumbas nun.paano kung nasa sitwasyon ka na wala nang natitira sayo? yung wala ka nang matakbuhang kaibigan at pamilyang masandalan... yung lahat ng pangarap mo naisuko mo na at nawalan ka na ng pag-asa. paano kung sa ganung panahon dumating ang... ehem.. pag-ibig? nagmahal ka at naramdaman mo na minahal ka rin.ang saya nun. mabubuhatyan ka ulit. mararamdaman mo na hindi ka nag-iisa. maiisip mo na may halaga ka pa pala. babalik ulit yung tiwala mo sa sarili. matuto ka ulit mangarap. pero paano kung di pala totoo ang lahat? paano kung di pala pagmamahal ang nararamdaman niya sayo? masakit tama? mawawala ulit yung tiwala mo sa sarili mo. babagsak ulit ang mga pangarap. alam ko, nangyari sakin yun.dumating siya sa punto ng buha

“Nye nye nye nye nyeee,di naman masakeeet!”Malamang narining mo nay yang dialougue na yan dati, yun e kung isa ka sa mga bata na nakinabang sa Vitamin D na hatid ng sikat ng araw at nagsunog ng libu-libong calories sa pakikipaglaro ng ma-touch taya, tumbang preso, block 123, luksong tinik, langit-lupa, etc.Naalala ko, dati naglalabang kami ng teks, may isang bata na umapak sa pamato ko. sa pag-iisip kong malas sa laban yun, sinigawan ko yung batang yun pero sa halip na mag-sorry siya, inapakan pa niya ulit. naasar ako kaya binangasan ko siya. umatras yung bata at biglang nagsabi, “nye nye nye nye nyeee, di naman masakeet!” pagkasabi niya nun, bigla na siyang tumakbo palayo. kinatiyawan ako ng mga kaibigan ko, an ghina ko daw sumapak. ang totoo, bumilib ako dun sa batang yun kasi di siya umiyak nung sinapak ko siya at di man lang nasaktan pero nawala agad yung pagka-elibs ko nung nakuwi na ako. Pag-uwi ko kasi ginulpi ako ng nanay ko. Ang sabi niya(pasigaw), pumunta daw yung kumara niya

Sa tuwing titingnan ko ang sarili ko, napupuno ako ng nakaraming kung. Para akong puno ako ng panghihinayang, poot, pagsisi, pagka-bahala, takot at higit sa lahat, kalungkutan. Para akong nagniningas na baga na unti-unting naabo. Kahit sa guni-guni di ko naisip na sa ganito mauuwi ang lahat. Punung-puno ako ng sigla noon at napakarami kong pangarap subalit isa-isa yung naglaho kasabay ng pakaupos ng paniniwala ko sa halaga ng buhay. Kung hindi lang sana ako maagang naulila sa ama, hindi ako mawawalan ng gabay, kaibigan, kakwentuhan, kakampi at tagapagtanggol. Kung pinahalagahan lang sana ng ina at mga kapatid ko ang mga pangarap ko, hindi sana nila ako inabandona. Marahil hindi nila ipinagkait sa akin ang material at emosyonal na suporta. Marahil din nakapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral at mayroon nang disenteng hanapbuhay sa ngayon. Kung hindi lang sana ako iniwan ng mga kaibigan ko sa ere meron sanang gagabay at susuporta sakin kahit papaano. Mayroon sana akong makakaramay bukod sa lapis, p

The light succumbs to darkness As the wind makes a mournful whistle Silence met solitude Hopes and dreams die a little Pain heightened up Childish smiles go pale Suddenly trapped in anxiety Left without a trail Lost in ownself Running in circles again Wanting to be fixed But no way out of being broken Running over and over But always end up at square one Trying to stay composed Though sanity’s almost gone Started hearing requiem Mind perceived sweet death Pulse began to drop Slowly losing breath Memories flash back Like moving pictures they play Reminiscence of yesteryears With so rare beautiful days Body grew tired Sols has gone to oblivion Eyes closed for good Tears fell for salvation

Hindi kita makasama Di man lang nga kita Makita Kaya dito ka na lang muna sa isip ko Wala naman sigurong masama Kapag kasi nasa isip kita Para na rin kitang kasama Siguro nga mukha na akong engot Pero di na yun mahalaga Dito ka na lang sa isip ko Hindi naman malalaman ng iba Kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko Sa sarili ko na lang muna Natatakot na kasi ako Ayaw ko na muna maging komplikado Baka kasi kapag pinag-usapan pa ulit nating Tuluyan ka nang lumayo at magbago Ayaw ko kasing magkagano’n Ayaw kong iwasan mo ako Kaya mabuti na yung ganito Dito ka na lang muna sa isip ko

Sleepless Constantly remain Broken Solely by pain Smothering By stupid lies Reluctant But paid the price Oblivious Of the days coming Unaware Of all the wasting Hopeless Conceded cowardly Surrendering All that’s left to see Dying With all the sorrow Closing The curtain of the show Epilogue Has finally come Death Got miseries gone

I’ve been so sad lately I’ve been missing you and me I miss the way I’ve been to you I miss the way you’ve been to me I guess I’ll forever miss you and me There were us so young and happy You know it amounts so much to me You’re the one I love most true You’re the only one my heart can see I believe I’ll miss you and me I’ll hold you once more if fate would let me I hope we can be who we used to be I always long for you You’ll always be dear to me I know I’ll forever miss you and me