BLOTS

There will be a time when you will be forced to give up everything you've ever wanted for the sake of greater good. Those are the times when you need to do what you need to do as opposed to what you want to do. You will be caught up in an ethical dilemma where, in the end, you'll just realize that you have to do the right thing. I guess that's where I am right now. I have never regretted the closeness that had transpired between us two, I never will. I'd give up everything for her to be happy and when I say everything, I mean everything. I think that's just proper. There are things that we just have to accept though it's so damn hard. Some situations will call us to sacrifice the most precious possessions that we bear. All for the sake of our beloved's wellness. All for the sake of greater good.

I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it

For every moment of daylight when the sun touches my skin For every second of night time when coldness freezes me within I yearn to feel your touch wanting to be close to you I long to be somewhere near Just for a second or two Praying to be next to you Never wanted something so bad Been so far from you, my muse Never thought life can be so sad So many thoughts kept inside Filled with words kept unspoken I'm aware time is running out Must I have the silence broken And say the words like 'I adore you' You're the one most dear But you choosing to walk away Is one that I absolutely fear

Akala ko talaga magkakaron na ng matagalang pagbabago sa sitwasyon nung dumating siya, pero nagkamali ako. Panandalian lang pala. Ngayon balik na naman sa normal ang lahat. Pero naging masaya talaga ako. Hindi ko akalain na magiging masaya ulit ako, bad trip lang kasi panandalian nga lang. Nakabuo ulit ako ng mga pangarap, nabuhayan ulit ng pag-asa at naniwala ulit na may mga magandang bagay pa talaga na pwedeng mangyari--mga bagay na di naman normal sakin. Nalulungkot lang akong isipin na lahat pala matatapos ng ganito kabilis at sa ganitong paraan. Wag daw akong madamot. Isipin ko daw yung mga ibang tao na gusto akong maging "ok". Pahalagahan ko daw yung mga taong totoong nagmamahal sakin. Alalahanin ko daw yung mga "words of wisdom" na ibinibigay ko sa mga taong tumatakbo sakin dati kapag may mga problema sila. Lagi ko daw sinasabi na kailangan nating lumaban para sa sarili natin, yun daw ang dapat kong gawin ngayon. Akala talaga nila ganun ako kalakas, mali na

"The music and the laughter reminded him of Sam, who at this very moment was stiting in a humid oven, string at the bars and counting the days, hoping and perhaps praying now that his lawyer might work a miracle. Sam would never see New Orleans, never again eat oysters or red beans and rice, never taste a cold beer or a good coffee. He would never hear jazz or watch artists paint. He would never again fly on a plane or stay in a nice hotel. He would never fish or drive or do a thousand things free people take for granted." These are the thoughts of Lawyer Adam Hall about his client Sam Clayhall who, at the same time, his grandfather. Taken from the book The Chamber which relates the story of Adam and Sam and their lawyer-client/grandson-grandfater relationship. Adam struggles to save his client's life and take him away from the Death Chamber. Written by John Grisham, this part almost hit the home run for me. It made think, maybe, just maybe all of us are prisoners in ou

It gets harder each day. Nakalimutan kong uminom ng gamot for three times, nawawala kasi lagi sa isip ko, di kasi ako sanay na magkasakit. Lalo ko tuloy namiss yung isang taong hindi ko na nakakausap ngayon. Madalas kasi siya nagpapaalala sakin na inumin yung gamot ko. May mga pagkakataon talaga na wala na tayong magagawa para mapabuti yung sitwasyon o kaya naman maging pabor to satin. May mga bagay na kailangan na lang tanggapin. Nakakalungkot pero kung dun naman siya magiging masaya, bakit ko ipagkakait yun? Kailangan ko lang siguro talagang masanay na wala na siya at di na part ng routine na kinasanayan ko.

I had a nice Saturday, thanks to my good friend Joan for the company. We're suppose to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 but we failed to catch up with the last screening, LOL. But Sherlock Holmes can't be any better. We got mesmerized by his detective skills and add up the factor that he now do physical combat, hahaha! And finally, after weeks of cravings, I was able to get a grab of RR's White Forest, so damn good. All the crap that had happen last week seemed to have been wash away. A good interim for my usual state of loneliness.  Sherlock + White Forest + Good Friend = Happy Weekend

Put out the fire that keeps a man going on, then he's a dead meat. It's too bad to know that sometimes all we need is some glimmer of hope to carry on and yet things most times go out of hand then poof, that hope is gone in an instant. Dead man walking. A hopeless case. A pathetic existence. Sometimes there'll be too much pain to bear that you'll just feel like letting it all go to just escape it all. You meet face to face with cowardice, and he'll be your best comrade.

What could be done in the next 7 years? What could happen? This countdown was discarded for a while but I think the clock starts ticking again. When things go so bad, all I can think of is this countdown. I'm somehow excited, unfortunately. Well, from now on I'll make the most of these coming years, less than a decade yet I have much things to do. I hope, just hope, that the countdown stops ticking again. If not, then I'll just make the most out of these 7 years.

You definitely don't get over loneliness, you just get used to it, and I guess I did. However, after meeting her, life has been unusually happy. I didn't notice that though, not until she's gone. She has been the fine line between my sweetest dream and most bitter reality. Yes, I had dreams about her; dreams of being with her, loving and being loved by her. Every conversation brings me closer to that dream and makes me a believer more and more. But one day, the inevitable comes to play. Fate has spoken and everything went back to the usual stuff. I love her in my own special way and I won't ever doubt that. This may sound crazy but who's sane anyway? Perhaps some other day in some other place, I'll fall in-love with her all over again. For now, I guess I must say goodbye to the dreams, to the fantasies, to this craziness. A blessing in disguise though, I've never wanted anything but for her to be happy and now she can say that she is 100% happy now, and I&#

It's nice to be back! Of course I'll always be thankful to Multiply, Wordpress and Tumblr, but of course, Blogspot is really my home ;) I'll work on the template sooner than soon.