BLOTS

There are some thoughts that you really can't shake off. I guess I have much of those right now. I'm thinking, and thinking hard, on how the heck I can get something off my mind? I think there's no way I can do that. I think of her all the time; how she laugh, how she talked to me, her scent, her passion for life and almost everything about her. Maybe, just maybe, she has really become a part of me. I hope not though, because she's now a goner. Oh how I wish for that one special moment, yes, just one moment, not even an hour or a day, of being with her again to finally come, but hell, it seems so illusive now. Still, she's one thought I really can't shake off.

I’ve always wanted to do things with you - dine, catch a flick, play video games, lie down and ponder life’s wonder, etc. I’ve always wanted to be with you the way I haven’t been, yet, now, it has become a far fetched desire in life. I’m left with the thinking of how great life would be if I’m to spend each waking day beside you, I guess it would be really really nice. Yes, I’m sure it would be nice and your absence break my heart into tiny pieces.

this is a poem I wrote for my friend, Sharline... You were a stranger in my eyes long before but after these years I hope you're not anymore I'd love to think you're a friend who walked into my door although you still make my heart jump off the floor It's amazing how time flies so swiftly and look how you've grown up so fair and lovely But with those wonderful eyes, I don't know what you really see I hope it's the brighter side 'cause I think you're feeling down lately Let me make a wish, it's your day anyway and it would be for your sadness to just pop away You should know, your smile lightens up other people's day so I'm sure The Big Guy will make things go your way Be happy because you deserve nothing less You have that passion for life that'll make you see though the mess The dice will keep on rolling through the tests but your beautiful heart will make you stand at your best I'm sure of these things that I'm saying just

The death of my highschool friend made me think more than how I've been thinking about life lately. Life is kind of unfair. There are those who die young yet they have a good life ahead of them, and there are those who live long when all they do is just to consume oxygen in our atmosphere and cause other pollution. It's really odd to think how fate played tricks on each human existence, i.e. if there is really such thing as fate. I don't know, he's not that of close friend but he's my classmate when we were freshmen and to think that PUPLHS is just a small scholl, 3 sections per year level, all of us know each other and have been friends in one way or another. I think I'm feeling sad right now. Sadness has been part of me lately and now the thought of untimely death elevates it to a new height. I just hope you'll rest in peace, Jayson Omamalin. I would love to believe that after life, there's that place where pain and suffering don't exist.

Can't say goodbye to loving you but must say goodbye to the dream Need to drift on to what's sane look away from what's grim Can't say goodbye to loving you but false hopes must die Should love remain alive there won't be a second try

You don't have to say goodbye to a dream, you just have to wake up from it. Dreams could've been your sweet escape, sanctuary, lucid interval, etc, but sometimes, dreams can just eat you alive, or your sanity if you may want to put it that way. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I thought I'll be able to write some lines now but mind suddenly went blank. Tears form behind my eyes. Damn.

I can't stop thinking about a certain person. Damn she's always on my mind from daybreak till I slumber my eyes to drift with the sandman. I'm thinking, if I can't get her off my mind, then I might as well shut down the whole thinking process if possible. With billions of nerve cells, the human brain is indeed one heck of a central processing unit that hopefully, we can voluntarily shut down anytime convenient to us. How I wish I can lie down and empty my mind out and drain all the thoughts in it. No troubles, no worries, no emotion whatsoever. But I can't...yet I think I just found out how...

Life is a misery or monotonous if I may say, but I guess when I met her, things changed. But now I don't want to get into the mushy details, the point is once you're outlook in life was altered by the presence of other person, once that person is gone you just can't seem to go back to the old you. All that's left is longing for something special, for something nice, for love...love. Yes, I think I've fallen so deeply in love. I can't remember how life was before her, and worse, I can't imagine how life would be in the future. Dammit.

I would love to have these books. TIME critics Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo pick the 100 best English-Language novels from 1923 to the present... A - B     * The Adventures of Augie March (1953), by Saul Bellow     * All the King's Men (1946), by Robert Penn Warren     * American Pastoral (1997), by Philip Roth     * An American Tragedy (1925), by Theodore Dreiser     * Animal Farm (1946), by George Orwell     * Appointment in Samarra (1934), by John O'Hara     * Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (1970), by Judy Blume     * The Assistant (1957), by Bernard Malamud     * At Swim-Two-Birds (1938), by Flann O'Brien     * Atonement (2002), by Ian McEwan     * Beloved (1987), by Toni Morrison     * The Berlin Stories (1946), by Christopher Isherwood     * The Big Sleep (1939), by Raymond Chandler     * The Blind Assassin (2000), by Margaret Atwood     * Blood Meridian (1986), by Cormac McCarthy     * Brideshead Revisited (1946), by Evelyn Waugh    

Must have these stuff atleast before I make another wishlist for 2011's holidays. 1. Nokia BH 505 headset. 2. Ipad or notebook 3. Awesome sound system I came to realize, most of the things I want are intangible...too bad though. Happy holidays anyway.

I think knowing when to stop is one of the greatest knowledge a man can attain in his lifetime. People complain about life and its monotony but hell, do the same thing over and over and let's see if you don't burn yourself out. Most people suffer for they don't know when to stop doing the things that aren't worth doing in the first place. Stop. Must learn to stop. Must. Must. Dammit.