Broken Road To Paradise II: The Stars Are Unseen

Now I know what time is it. It’s time to trot my way back home. I can’t still feel the ground as I take heavy steps out; out of this realm of frustrations that I thought was a road to her paradise. Each step I take seems to be a step farther from my dreams, simply because those are the steps that will lead me farther from her, my sole emancipator. Though reluctant to do so, I continue my walking. On my way, I see in my mind pictures of the scene I witnessed earlier. It plays on and on, over and over as if it won’t stop until it makes my brain burst out of my head. I managed to take few more steps before I find myself breaking down. I sat on the sidewalk then press my back on the wall oblivious of the dirt, dust and all those morons, I mean… people, staring at me. I still can’t accept what I saw and amidst my nothingness I heard a voice saying, “Are you ok?” I gave that stranger a pale look, clutched my fist then raise one of my finger. No, it’s not the one you raise while yelling that 7-letter phrase but actually it’s the thumb. I smiled at him then say or lie, “I’m fine.” After saying so, he just left. It’s ok, I don’t know him anyway. I spent few minutes on the ground then look up at the sky only to see nothing but dark clouds. The stars are unseen. Few minutes more the rain fell. I stood up and walk. The rain pours heavier and in despair, I hailed a cab to drive me home.After a two-hour trip with manong driver, it was home finally. I fees so cold. As I draw closer to the doors I foresee my warm blanket, a hot chicken soup, with all the comfort a home can give but of course it was just like a bubble the my mom’s nagging just burst. She nags and nags as if there’s no tomorrow. Some people say it’s a mother’s way to show her love and concern, I better yet believe them. When she’s done, with a single apology, I head to my room, fix myself and lie in comfort of my bed. “This is a long day,” I told myself before gently closing my eyes. Eyes closed, I hear the clock ticking as it echoes with my heartbeat. It’s haunting. My heart then, once more, starts to beat faster but it’s not because of any excitement. This time it’s because of the hatred I have for myself. Why did I let that girl hurt me like this? Why did I vest her power to do so? Why did I love her only to be hurt in the end? What kind of moron am I to believe that I can step in her paradise? I believe that for every door that closes, a window opens but now that all the doors are closed, I found out that all the windows are closed as well. I should’ve disbelieved those money-generating lies most kids call fairy tales. My mind’s as distorted as it can be. I don’t seem to know what I’m doing but I just found my self clutching a cutter to tight. In desperation, I cut myself. I felt no pain but saw my blood pouring out of my veins. Memories come back again like raging bullets piercing my thoughts and burning my remaining sanity. All the pain, all the tensions, all my childhood scars, they all seem brand new and ought to batter me. Add up the thoughts about that girl, it was now a torment that raised hell to me once more. I can still feel my heartbeat but this time it can no longer catch with the clock’s rhythm. I start to feel kinda drowsy and suddenly I just felt like sleeping. I closed my eyes and whispered, “el fin”.I don’t really know what happened next but all I know is I find myself in what Mike quoted as “a place so dark, you can’t see the end”. There’s nothing but darkness. This is but a place forsaken by light in any form. I feel my wrist and found out that the bleeding had stop. I don’t know what to do, not until I saw a little spark of pale light across this empty space. I run to it. I run so fast as if I’m chasing the light in the end of the tunnel, perhaps it is indeed a light in the end of the tunnel for me. As I run feel my steps are not as heavy as my steps earlier. In fact, I feel like I’m running in an invisible track of wind with wings on my feet that actually made me feel like flying. As I draw nearer the light glows brighter and brighter until it resembles a womanly image. At my surprise, it is nobody but her, the angel who salvaged me, my sole emancipator.“What are you doing here? Aren’t you suppose to be with him?”, I asked bitterly.“I’m taking you back.”, answered she in her usual calm voice. After saying so, she reached her hand to me then told me once more that she’s her to take me back.“Taking me back where?”, I replied with but confusion in my mind.“You wouldn’t wanna be stuck here again. Come on. Darkness is so blinding. Time isn’t on our side. Don’t let yourself be conceived in vain forever. Despair not for as long as there’s hope, there’ll be life. So let’s go, they’re waiting for you.”I’m reluctant to take her hand but I feel there is something that makes me wanna do it. It must be her smile. Soon as her hand touches mine, the light that wraps her suddenly expanded immensely until no spot of darkness its traced. The next thing I know is I’m in the hospital lying in bed with a bandage on my left wrist. Beside me I saw my mom who’s sound asleep. Now I know what happened. My tears fall even before I notice it, I could’ve stop it if I just saw it coming. I woke my mom and as expected she nags at me but this time it feels good. She really loves me, she really cares. She told me I’ve been unconscious for almost 30 hours now. I asked her to open the windows for me which she hurriedly did. The dark clouds are gone but the stars remained unseen. My mom sat beside my bed, hold my hand, kissed my forehead then whisper in my ears, “everything will be alright son, believe me.”I don’t know how or when but I believe her. Everything will be alright.Now, after everything that happened, the time is once more unknown to me