Broken Road To Paradise

What time is it? My watch says it’s 5:46 p.m. but my starving stomach disagrees for it keeps on telling me that it’s time for me to load him up for I haven’t eaten neither breakfast nor lunch, but I munched some banana chips though. My sleepy eyes, on the other hand, say it’s time for me to visit Dreamland for it has been three sleepless nights since I did considering that I am not a nocturnal creature even if I am starting to act like one; and I must admit, I’m not liking it. Lastly, my hardworking yet dead exhausted brain cells say it’s time for me to drop this newspaper for they can no longer comprehend. I’ve been sitting here, waiting for her for almost two hours now, clutching my virtue of patience that is about to slip away from me. I’m hungry, sleepy and restless yet still without any trace of reluctance in spending even countless hours staying foot in this place to have her caress my dull view.. The sun falls down thinning the crowd. The streetlamps start to light up as the amber light begins to fade. Sunset is quite lyrical. It speaks thousand words, yet only a listening heart can hear; words of nostalgia, words of longing and words of hopes as well. “I’ll be gone for a moment but thou shall worry not for I’ll maketh the moon and other stars look after thee and as the new dawn breaks, together again we shall be. Be not afraid of the cold of the night, long not for my radiant light, despair not in darkness for I’ll be with thee once more sooner than thee would wish.” Those are the words the sun spoke to my heart as it sets down and those words made me realize one extremely important thing, I’m really hungry. When I got my senses back, perhaps I think I did, I decided to fulfill the destiny of these remaining chips I had munch earlier just to ease my starving. The cafeteria is just four floors from here where I sit but I would never want to leave this spot where I’m at, not yet. I’ve waited for almost two hours just to see her and never I will put that two-hour waiting at risk by going down stairs, get something to eat, come back then find out that while I’m pounding my hunger down, she passed by without me seeing her, an instant waste of time! So I did stay foot, it’s almost six o’clock anyway, she’ll be here soon. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed and another fifteen minutes but still no sign of her. This time, I start to feel uneasy. Why am I going thru this in the first place? Why am I committing myself in this waiting? Why am I trading the comfort of lying in my bed while watching my favourite ninja animé with this waiting? I close my eyes for few seconds then I told myself, am I really this stupid to still ask those questions? I lived most of my life in an inferno that dwells in my heart. Childhood memories are nothing but mess. The hands that cradled me when I was a baby were the same hands that beat me to bleed in flesh and in soul as well. Those were the same hands that gave me so many wounds that never seem to heal. I don’t deserve to be loved-that they made clear. I, with my juvenile mind then, cannot understand why yet I believed. As years passed I concluded, fate is my worst adversary. The dreams I tried to love just turned to grave frustrations. I’ve been in hell, rock bottom I may say, but not until I met her. She came in my life like an angel setting her feet on the inferno where I was; the inferno that was my life. I see her as an angel that pacified my inferno’s raging flames. She’s the angel that healed all my wounds and childhood scars as well. She touched my heart and made me forget all the grudges I have. She changed my views in life and made me a cynic no more. She drove me to dislike inferno and find myself a much, much better place. I’ve stepped out of inferno, just because of her. With these, I’ve convinced myself, it is worth the wait. I can stay here, I will, for her. Few more minutes then finally she came. I start to feel something unexplainable. My heart is beating twice, no, thrice faster than the usual, it’s beating so fast as if it’s saying, “Let me out! Let me out!” My body turned cold and my knees start to shake as she draws near. Every detail in my vision has turned blurry except her image, maybe that’s why I didn’t see the guy beside her holding her hand-it really blew me off! I moved back, just for them not to see me. I stared at them afar as if I’m a stalking lunatic psycho. I forgot my hunger. I forgot my sleepiness. I forgot my restlessness. I forgot everything! I stand on solid ground hearing nothing but the mournful sound my heart is making as it breaks little by little. I think I crossed the fine line between dreams and frustrations, hope and despair, love and sorrow. Everything around me is in fast pace aside from the two of them who seem to be in slow motion. I then remember the line from the famous song of Michelle Branch that says, “tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry.” I lived those words. I did my best to hold back my tears. I already lost my love; I can’t afford to lose my pride as well. I’d rather shed blood than weep tears, a cowardly act I honestly suppose. Five, four, three, two, one; like B. Rabbit of 8-mile, I snapped back to reality. “Close the curtains please, the show’s over!” I don’t know why but as I watch them walk away, holding hands and smiling at each other, I have in my own lips a peculiar grin, then I laugh. I laugh my wits out until I can no longer catch my breath and that’s when tears flow from my eyes, my weary and nostalgic eyes. She’s indeed an angel who saved me from inferno but it’s so sad for I can no longer join her in paradise . So, what time is it?