BLOTS

Mine is of senseless existence If you'll be out of my life And now I'm seeing it'll be forever I can't imagine how it would be like Meaningless and insignificant just a pigment of universe's expanse Fooling myself that I'm sober While I put my soul in trance Because there's no way to fill the gap no way to break the walls If it's fate then let it be unquestioned this world is not so small afterall Must live with this longing perhaps die with the pain that springs I breathe in the reality of your absence then suffocate with the poison it brings Mine is of senseless existence If you'll be out of my life And now I'm seeing it'll be forever I can't imagine how it would be like

Sa tuwing naaalala ko yung mga pagkakataon kung saan sinasabi niyang mamamatay na siya kakatawa, kahit papaano natutuwa na din ako. Minsan ang memorya ng tao e limitado lang sa mga gusto nyang maalala. Minsan talaga dumadating sa buhay natin na may mga taong mawawala na talaga sa circulation. Mahirap lang kapag nasanay ka na at parte na sila ng pang araw-araw mong buhay. Ang hirap lang kung minsan kasi para kang babalik sa pagiging sanggol na nag-aaral magsalita, maglakad at maglaro ng Gameboy. Ewan ko ba kung ako lang nakakaisip nito. May mga pagkakataon na pakiramdam ko may mga bagay akong kailangang gawin para makaraos sa isang sitwasyon, pero pag nalaman ng ibang tao yung sitwasyon na yun, kadalasan sasabihin nila na either kain, ligo o tulog lang ang katapat nun. Ayos.

Sometimes I feel the urge to spill everything out, but then I realize that it's not just knowing what to say, but also what not to say. Silence-it has become a sanctuary for most people, but sometimes, silence will just suck up the remaining life in you, just like what it's doing to me. The worst part of missing someone is that point when you realize that it's the only thing that you can do, yet you can't stop longing...yearning...and almost dying every minute reality eats you alive. I guess I really miss her. I really, really do, but it seems nothing can be done. Still, there are nights when I go crazy enough to hope that maybe my phone will beep and then I'll see her name reaching out to me the way I can't reach out to her. Love. Burden. Insanity.

Sometimes, we meet people that we'll love and stop at that, nothing follows, just that single desire to fall and stay in-love. I think I can be added on the list now. Too bad there's a dream that literally means everything and when that dream died, everything follows...I thought. But there's one left now, the dream to stay emotionally attached to her, the dream to keep her in my life in any way possible, the dream to stay just as in-love as I used to be. I would love to love her till my dying day.

There’s an emptiness in me That which I have to live with Knowing I’ll be apart From what I’ll ever need You’re the love that I know The love I’ll always keep But now you’ve become a dream That I’ll only see when I’m asleep Your absence left a void One thing that can’t be filled If it’s something I can’t control Then it’s fate that got me killed A dead man walking Perhaps my soul is gone Your love could’ve saved me But what’s done is done And so I lay lifeless as dead Though there’s still air to breathe But what’s the point on holding on After losing the sole thing you ever need?

I'll be a hypocrite if I'll say that I don't want to hear her say that she loves me, but now, there's just one thing that I would want i.e. to be able to say that I love her. Sometimes even the simplest words can be so hard to say, knowing that she already knows it, still, there's like a thick wall dividing us...maybe it's called fate, and I'm hating it to be honest.

I will love her with all the love a man can give to a woman, as if there's no tomorrow and although this ain't the first, it's perfectly fine if it'll be the last. I love Muffin.