BLOTS

Couple of days ago, marked my 26 years of existence in this world, most people call it "birthday". My friends and some people I know sent me their greetings as part of the said tradition and most of them added "god bless" on their greetings. That got me thinking, god bless? Who would bless who? God blessing me? I don't believe in god but what I do believe is when people realize that you don't have the same thinking as theirs when it comes to the said matter, they start looking at you as if you're in need of some medication or enlightenment. Oh well, that's their belief anyway and I wish not to argue with the existence or non-existence of a divine creature or being, whatever sounds fit. One friend asked me, "What made you think that god doesn't exist?" I didn't answer, I just don't want to start a debate that neither of us will get convinced by the other, but I really felt like throwing the question back at her, "what made ...

July 28, 2011 - yes, I'm marking my 26th year of existence. Apart from it being listed on my birth certificate, I don't really celebrate this day that much. I appreciate though the first couple of greetings I got from Diahann, Aya and Celene, but then at around 7:20am, I received an IM from Muffin that says, "OMG! I almost forgot, happy birthday, Dave!" I don't know but I suddenly felt different, I felt unusual. I was happy. Following that was a guilty pleasure in form of a phone call. How come she's so surprised on me returning her message in form of a phone call? Maybe because she's somewhere too far. It only lasted for about 7 minutes but it was the best 7 minutes of my day so far. I miss hearing her voice and the sound of her laughter. It was really nice and there's nothing more I'll need today. This day is different from the others for today I feel unusually happy. Happy birthday to me then, I feel awesome!

Loneliness can strike anytime at any place. I've known that for quite a long time and have proven it based on personal encounters. Yet, now I feel it caught me with my guards down, I'm surprised. Why would you be bothered by a certain emotion you've been dealing with for quite a long time now? If you're used to it, why would it feel so troubling? See, sadness has been playing hardball with since Zeus knows when, and I have a strong feeling that I have gotten used to it to the point that it's not a big deal anymore, but now as it strikes again, it feels like something solid hits me. Oh well, I think we all just have to find our ways to get by, LOL

In this time when almost everything is done electronically, I sometimes feel the want of doing things the auld way. In the past few months I've been writing letters. Yes, love letters as I may say but never had any of them sent, LOL. Maybe, I'll just wait for the time when I'll send these in bulk, or maybe not. These letters aren't that mushy as we all may think of, just simple things, simple words, simple thoughts that I would've shared with Muffin if she's here. One day I hope she'll have a chance to read these.

For some reasons, I just have to take note of this date and the letters K, F and C :p

There will always be that someone whom you'll think you can get by without, whose absence is something you can get used to, but in the end, you'll end up yearning...longing...more than before. I guess that's just how it's going to be for me, so I'll give up on forgetting. I just can't...yet.

I guess everything, at some point, really reaches its end. It’s kind of sad but it seems that everything is just a matter of time and we all just tend to cling on past experiences that made us feel that those stuff are meant to last forever. I don’t want to be so cynical but reality bites, big time.

Sometimes, you feel so sad about your life you feel that nothing is making any sense at all, but still you do your best to keep your game face on and show to the world that you're doing just fine. For some reasons, there's just no way you can wear your heart off your sleeves. But don't you love it when you can just cry your emotions out with someone feeling secured that you'll not be ridiculed or judged? I think that's how most people get by -- they always have that someone who can pick them up when they're down or atleast give reasons to get up after falling. Maybe, just maybe.

“Everyone has a happy place.” I keep on remembering those words said by one of my closest friend before. Now, I realized that it has been a long while since I’ve been on my happy place. It’s a been quite a while since I felt that comfort of being somewhere you can breathe easily, some place where you can be at ease and not troubled by anything else. It’s been a while since I felt her presence, and yes, she’s my happy place. Any place where I can feel her, becomes somewhere special. I don’t know, I may be just a little crazy to be saying all these, or maybe I just miss her big time. Happy place.

Have you ever felt that there’s something wrong yet you can’t figure out what? As if there’s something trying to scratch its way out of your chest with sharp fingernails causing you a terrible pain that becomes so physical sometimes. Terrible. I guess that’s how to describe this. I feel awful, maybe this will pass, just maybe, or maybe not. I think I couldn’t care too much, as long as I get by each day, that’s what matters…for now.

Have you ever felt that there’s something wrong yet you can’t figure out what? As if there’s something trying to scratch its way out of your chest with sharp fingernails causing you a terrible pain that becomes so physical sometimes. Terrible. I guess that’s how to describe this. I feel awful, maybe this will pass, just maybe, or maybe not. I think I couldn’t care too much, as long as I get by each day, that’s what matters…for now.