BLOTS

I saw my old notebooks and read through some of the stuff that I wrote years ago. By doing so, I realized one thing - my life can be summarized as a big collection of unrealistic goals and wishful thinking. All I wrote about were nothing but pure longing. I wrote about love that can never be returned. I wrote about affection towards someone I can't be with. Those stuff were written several years ago and looking at where I stand now, nothing much has changed. I'm still in-love with someone I can't be with and still fighting for an affection I can't win. I'm really on the losing side when it comes to romance. Wed, Nov 27, 2013 4:13:51 PM Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Looking back on the days When I can still genuinely smile Those were the finest I can recall I hope it lasted for a longer while Back when waking up is a blessing Days are something to look forward to When everything still makes sense Daydreaming and hopes, too Back when you're still here With the promises that you'll stay When you said you won't be like the rest And you'll never lose me in any way Looking back on those days Wrench a big chunk of myself Now that you carried on without me And I can't cry out for help You just moved on and left All of a sudden you've walked out Now I'm just like a piece of trash Useless and thrown out Are you happy now? Are you doing just fine? I guess it wouldn't matter You'll never be mine Wed, Nov 27, 2013 12:46:11 PM. Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself what sadness really is? What do we know about it? What do we know about suffering and loss? What do we know about failures and frustrations? What do we know about the evil side of life? I think it's relative. Sadness can break someone though; break it to a point wherein it's already impossible to be put together. I guess that's the lowest point. When all you do doesn't make sense anymore, when all you hoped for slipped away from your hands, and all that you ever wanted is the same thing that you can never have, to some, that qualifies as sadness. You die everyday, or atleast you feel that you do. When that pain in your chest starts to feel like there's something scraping it from the inside, then I think you're in a bad shape. What's worse than falling asleep while being lulled by the sound of your heart breaking? Life goes on, or so they say it does. How frustrating it is when all you can do is to live and

I guess it applies in almost all situations - if you fall down, shake the dirt off and move on. Days can get so ugly sometimes. For sure a time will come when you fill like you already hit rock bottom only to realize that you're digging in further to the ground. The stench of earthly failures will never fail to reach our senses at some point. A very simple advise of shaking these off can come in handy...I hope. Sat, Nov 9, 2013 1:24:21 PM

I don't know why but I think I'm falling for the same trap again. I don't like emotional attachments, it doesn't seem to work for me. It feels like a big liability if you'll ask me. I'm now betting once more, another round of gambling my emotions for someone whom day by day I feel more affectionate. That's just how it is - once you acknowledge an emotion, it would be very hard not to entertain it. It's like a voice deep in you, teasing, provoking you to do things either in a good or bad ways. Another gamble, another bet, another shot at what human beings always have longed for and i.e. to be happy with someone you care about. Wed, Sep 25, 2013 09:54:47 Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

You smile and I start to fall Never I thought it'll go this far Each passing day it grows further Looking forward to be where you are Everything about feels so right Signs seem to appear everywhere Obvious reasons were foretold Rendezvous with fate I dare Now to my emotion I yield And with these words I confess Don't ever doubt this, please Long before time put up its test In the end it'll still be up to you But from loving you I can't rest Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld