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Leo horoscope for Feb 3 2012 by Daily Horoscope

2012-02-03T08:36:00.000+08:00

If you are feeling lonely, go out and mingle with other beings - human or canine or whatever lonesome soul will welcome you. If you're feeling bored, go out and stir up some excitement. If you're angry, take a long walk and enjoy the beauty of the scenery that surrounds you. You see, Leo, you have the power to change your world in any way that you want to. You are not reliant on fate to place things in your life that will make you happy or fulfilled. Recognize this power, and you will make the first step toward mastering your fate.
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Leo horoscope for Jan 30 2012 by DailyHoroscope

2012-01-30T02:11:00.000+08:00

Someone is trying to tell you that you should simply accept a certain situation that you cannot change. This person is probably trying to make you feel better, but you aren't one to give up so easily. Your loved one's advice is good, although it's a bit misguided. While it may be true that you can't make the change you would like to make, you can seek out alternatives that will make you just as happy. It would be wise to accept that you can't alter one aspect of your current reality, but don't give up on getting what you want in a different way.
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Leo horoscope for Jan 29 2012 by DailyHoroscope (http://bit.ly/DHmobile)

2012-01-29T12:20:00.000+08:00

It's wonderful to be in love, or even to be in sync with someone on a platonic level. Kindred spirits are hard to come by, so when you find one you need to treasure that person and nurture the relationship. You may be involved in just such a union right now. Just be careful that you don't lose yourself amid your devotion to this other person. Take time to express your own thoughts and feelings, and to nurture yourself too. That way you will also have more to give, and you'll find it easier to accept love in return.
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Druid Horoscope: Cypress Tree

2012-01-28T19:32:00.001+08:00

Symbolically, the Cypress Tree stands for the role of sacrifice in life. Even though the characteristics that accompany this theme include mourning, death, and despair, this sign can also be symbolic of hope.

Like the Cypress Tree that represents them, Cypress people are usually slender and strong, with a fine, unmistakable silhouette. Although their stature can be almost ordinary, there is something about them that is both stern and wild... like some wild creature from the wilderness that is untouched by civilization. At the same time, however, this sign can be very refined.

Known for being very adaptable, Cypress Tree people are generally quite low-maintenance and they can easily adjust to nearly anything. Because they can survive in any situation and even find happiness in it, they are usually very mature and independent from a very early age. Usually quite happy with their lot in life, Cypress people don't crave success, nor do they hunger for money or recognition. Their only goal is to be happy. They try to avoid problems and conflicts at all costs.

Cypress people have many interests. They adore taking long walks in summer, and they enjoy spotting all kinds of animals on their travels. They love to fish, and can spend countless hours just drifting and fishing by themselves. Even so, these people do not enjoy solitude, so they arrange their lives to be constantly surrounded by family and friends. Even though they have such a strong attachment to personal bonds, they are not sentimental. Cypress people can be a bit rude at times, but deep down they are sensitive. They are a study in contrasts: they can be harsh yet very calm at the same time. They radiate tranquility, and they can be quite pleasant.

Cypress Tree people are very fluid, in that they go with the flow rather than trying to organize everything precisely. They are dreamers, and their thoughts are often off wondering someplace else. They are known for being adept at avoiding arguments, and others are drawn to their natural flexibility.

Cypress Tree people are absolutely loyal, remaining faithful to their friends, loved ones, and even their memories. They like to talk, and they can keep up with any kind of conversation. They spend their quiet and easy life among people they really care about.

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By The Sound Of Her Voice

2012-01-28T06:25:00.001+08:00

I heard the Beastie Boys' singing: intergalactic planetary, planetary, intergalactic...
That was my phone ringing. I saw your face and name on the screen so I didn't hesitate to pick it up. Eyes closed, I said hello and so the conversation goes.
It's always nice to wake up in the morning and hear the sound of her voice regardless if it's only through the telephone. This is one of the simple pleasures life can somehow give. I'd love to have that as a routine - be the last person to talk to at night and the first one to talk to in the morning. I think that would be nice. I'm sure that would be nice. Waking up by the sound of her voice is indeed something I'll think of before going to bed each night.

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Favorite Addiction

2012-01-22T15:23:00.001+08:00

I was having a Twitter-based conversation with Oyin few minutes back and I told her that most of our addictions are the things that people won't easily understand. She then asked me what's my own addiction and I replied, "it's too mushy to mention."

I once heard someone said, "This is my favorite time of the day -- looking at you."

I believe I share the same sentiment. I love staring at her when we're together. As I look at her I can think of hundreds of reason why I can't fall out of love. Wishful thinking floods my brain. I've been telling myself thousands of things whenever I look at her, things that I'm bound to keep unspoken, things that are better left unsaid. As I stare at her, I can see how wonderful nature is for such beauty to exist. Lucky is the man whom she regard as her lover. Fate has been too kind to that someone who's blessed with her presence. If the gods of love are real, they must have favored him so much to have a muse like her.

In my deepest thoughts I sometimes wonder how's it to be loved by her? I guess that would be nice. I'll then be lost deep in my thoughts playing the most dangerous mind game of all -- The Game Of What If. What if we're this? What if we're that? It's a dangerous game one shouldn't play because it'll do you no good. Most of the time, it'll just cause you frustration in the end.

So there goes my addiction -- loving her.

Sun, Jan 22, 2012
3:22:13 PM

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Investing In Love

2012-01-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine told me, "you've already invested time and emotion for that love that you feel for her, yet you're saying that you're aware that it'll go nowhere? You must me crazy."

Maybe in the eyes of many, this love that I feel for her is just one helluva madness. Maybe people, once they heard the whole story, will say that I'm both hopeless romantic and stupid. Maybe, just maybe.

I now realized that love is not like a business venture that whenever you invest something, you should expect something in return. Perhaps, we just love for the sake of loving. Who knows what love really means especially in this world where madness and misery is all over. I can't deny that most of the pain it's pain that I feel because of this love, but there's really nothing much I can do. Still, I'm hoping that one day, love will serve its purpose - happiness to all.

Sat, Jan 21, 2012
2:17:47 PM

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Losing Sleep

2012-01-21T13:33:00.000+08:00

I'm losing sleep
I have no one to blame
My mind is just racing
I want to call out your name

I yearn for you
Always I do
I want to be near you
Stay a moment or two

I'm losing sleep
I'm afraid of my dreams
My mind is still racing
No matter how naïve it seems

I want to be next to you
How I wish I can
But there's just no way
I can never be that man

And so I lie here sleepless
Getting by with wishful thinking
Till you're here beside me
My brain will keep on racing

Sat, Jan 21, 2012
1:33:29 PM

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All I Ever Wanted

2012-01-21T08:27:00.001+08:00

All I ever wanted
Is to be close to you
Spend our days together
For maybe a lifetime or two

All I ever wanted
Is to hold you in arms
Feel your presence is real
Feel your tender warmth

But it seems fate has spoken
Saying I can't have it all
As if it's one big madness
For me to deeply fall

Because you've always been far
No matter how close we can get
I still can't be with you
As if the pieces were all set

But all I ever wanted
Is to love no one but you
It's just sad to face the fact
That I can never be with you

Sat, Jan 21, 2012
8:25:51 AM

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Missing Someone

2012-01-20T11:32:00.001+08:00

Don't you just hate the fact that you miss someone so bad yet there's nothing you can really do about it? I do. I hate missing her. I hate the fact that I long for her so much but there's not a single thing I can do to ease the yearning, and yearning comes with sadness, sadness comes with pain.

I miss her. I just miss her so bad. How can someone get hurt so bad when all that person did is to love? I guess most of us can't really get what we deserve.

This is sadness.

This is madness.

This is love.
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Distance

2012-01-20T09:14:00.000+08:00

I hate that you're somewhere far
I hate that you're not around
You're absence left me a void
I can no longer feel the ground

Yet my head is spinning
I don't know what to do
Something's just not right
I need to be next to you

And so I hate this distance
This distance between us two
Why can't we be together
Why can't you love me too

All I want is to love you
Without going out of line
But I guess it's not meant to be
You'll never be mine

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Best Morning Ever, Almost

2012-01-16T06:06:00.001+08:00

It's January and I feel cold. I was so sleepy so without opening my eyes, I reached out for the blanket because I know I have it before I fall asleep but then I realize I was not alone. I saw her lying beside me sleeping so soundly. It's one of the most beautiful views I can see, watching her sleep like a baby - no worries, no stress, no whatsoever. I looked at the clock, it's 5am anyway so I decided to get up and prepare some breakfast. Couple of minutes later I saw her in her PJ's walking towards me with all smile. "Good morning, sweetie", she said. "Why are you up so early?" I stared at her for a moment and told myself, "I wouldn't want to love anyone but this woman in front of me." I'm lost in my thoughts when she asked me again, "Hey, are you ok?" I answered, "Of course, this can't get any better. I just can't believe you're here in front of me. I can't believe I'll wake up in the morning seeing you by my side. It just feels so nice just to be with you. I just can't believe how things have turned out to be. I love you, I want you to know that." She smiled and said something that I wasn't able to understand. Her voice seem to be fading as she speak. Oddly enough, the stuff inside the kitchen seem to disappear one by one being replaced by a dark spot. One by one until it's only the two of us standing in a dark room. She smiled once more then after that, I realize I'm standing in hollow dark room.

I woke up. It was a dream. Here I am still in my bed, alone in my room. it's Monday morning and nothing has really changed. I cried a little. I feel heavy pounding on my chest making me unable to get up. Now I have my phone on my hand as I type this post. Is this what they call madness?

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Sharline

2012-01-16T05:41:00.001+08:00

This is the copy of the poem I wrote for Sharline's birthday ;)
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How are you, Sharline?
I know this may be a little late
But I hope the answer to the first line
Will nothing else but "I'm doing great"

How was your special day?
I'm confident you had a nice one
Afterall you deserve to be happy
Sadness should be minimal to none

Still I wish for your well-being
Especially now that you're somewhere far
I'm sure you're getting by though
Knowing the strong person that you are

Keep your cool and stay safe
Always be pretty and fine
From this place you call homeland
I'm sending this greetings of mine

Belated happy birthday
I know there will be more to come
Be the happiest that you can be
And have this as the most special one

*******
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Madness

2012-01-15T15:31:00.001+08:00

I saw my friend's post in Facebook that says, "this is madness". I asked myself, what is madness anyway? It has been defined as the condition of being insane. It is when you deviate from the norms and becomes a danger to others or to yourself. I once read that the word "sane" originated from the Latin word "sanus" which means "healthy". A healthy body and healthy mind comes hand in hand.

Now it got me thinking, when I ponder my love for that woman I adore, I can also exclaim the words "this is madness" so convincingly. Insane. Crazy. I guess that's how you describe this kind of love that I feel for her. In my lucid interval, I can say that this is not going anywhere, but deep in this crazy thoughts, all I can wish for is to be with her each passing day, grow old with her, spend my life with her and love her till the day my heart would cease to beat.

Yes, this is indeed madness, but I couldn't care much.
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Test Post

2012-01-15T12:15:00.001+08:00

Test post line one
Line break
Last line
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Lazy Sunday

2012-01-15T08:46:00.001+08:00

Just one more day before I officially take my new job description in the office. It's quite boring to do routine works so I think a change of habit will do. Oh well, I'll just bum around the whole day and maybe just kill my demons by writing some new piece for the blog Air Mane

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Shut Down

2011-12-12T10:45:00.000+08:00

Hiatus is over. Oh well, here's the time again when you feel like you have tons of things to say but you just don't know where to begin. Maybe it's your mind that's blocking you from doing so knowing that most things are better left unsaid.

Tik tak, the clock is ticking as if I can hear it tear down bits of me into small pieces. Crazy: I want to shut down my brain in a way that I won't be thinking of anything else other than the most basic things. I don't want to think of anything else if that would even be possible.

There's this thing called pain. As defined, pain is an unpleasant sensation often caused by intense or damaging stimuli. I guess there's really no need for any help to define the word anyway. People regard pain in so many different ways, but I see pain as breakfast (one that I take every waking hour).

**voice command*** BRAIN, SHUT DOWN.

How I wish that would be possible.

I wish for so many things.

I'm hoping that some events didn't happen.

I'm talking gibberish.

I'm an ass.

Mistakes

2011-11-13T11:52:00.002+08:00

It’s easy to correct your mistakes but what’s difficult is to accept that you screw up. I think in the last 26 years of my life, I’ve made major screw ups and most of the time I can’t seem to fix it. Now I realize, maybe one reason is I really can’t accept that I made mistakes in the first place. We always tend to justify the things we’re doing thinking that we’re better than what we really are. But I guess, the first step to fix the mess is to accept that you really screwed up.

Hiatus

2011-09-25T16:16:00.002+08:00

I'll be on-leave from this blogsite to work on other stuff, LOL

Stay This Way

2011-09-04T16:18:00.000+08:00

It's been a little while since I've updated my blog. I don't know, maybe some things aren't really meant to be shared and must be kept to yourself. All I know is the past few days have been a bumpy ride but not necessarily something that I'm not enjoying. That's all I can say, I guess. Time will come that nature will put the things in their proper order as I once heard, the universe doesn't recognize right or wrong, all it cares for is how to maintain the balance.

I'm in-love and I think I'll stay this way. (don't ask why suddenly say such, LOL)

Stay This Way

2011-09-04T08:35:00.000+08:00

We're All Getting By

2011-08-07T09:50:00.000+08:00

We're all getting by
We're all living by the day
What matters is you survive
I can't say it in any other way

We're all getting by
Life ain't so complicated
We're all getting by
Living a life we created

Who Would Bless Who?

2011-07-31T10:46:00.001+08:00

Couple of days ago, marked my 26 years of existence in this world, most people call it "birthday". My friends and some people I know sent me their greetings as part of the said tradition and most of them added "god bless" on their greetings. That got me thinking, god bless? Who would bless who? God blessing me? I don't believe in god but what I do believe is when people realize that you don't have the same thinking as theirs when it comes to the said matter, they start looking at you as if you're in need of some medication or enlightenment. Oh well, that's their belief anyway and I wish not to argue with the existence or non-existence of a divine creature or being, whatever sounds fit. One friend asked me, "What made you think that god doesn't exist?" I didn't answer, I just don't want to start a debate that neither of us will get convinced by the other, but I really felt like throwing the question back at her, "what made you believe that god does exist?" Most you might have an answer or two, so then be it. Oh well, I had plan to write a long article about this but I'll just keep it on my personal journal ;)

HBDTM: 7 Minutes of Guilty Pleasure

2011-07-28T10:03:00.000+08:00

July 28, 2011 - yes, I'm marking my 26th year of existence. Apart from it being listed on my birth certificate, I don't really celebrate this day that much. I appreciate though the first couple of greetings I got from Diahann, Aya and Celene, but then at around 7:20am, I received an IM from Muffin that says, "OMG! I almost forgot, happy birthday, Dave!" I don't know but I suddenly felt different, I felt unusual. I was happy. Following that was a guilty pleasure in form of a phone call. How come she's so surprised on me returning her message in form of a phone call? Maybe because she's somewhere too far. It only lasted for about 7 minutes but it was the best 7 minutes of my day so far. I miss hearing her voice and the sound of her laughter. It was really nice and there's nothing more I'll need today. This day is different from the others for today I feel unusually happy. Happy birthday to me then, I feel awesome!

With Guards Down

2011-07-25T10:28:00.001+08:00

Loneliness can strike anytime at any place. I've known that for quite a long time and have proven it based on personal encounters. Yet, now I feel it caught me with my guards down, I'm surprised. Why would you be bothered by a certain emotion you've been dealing with for quite a long time now? If you're used to it, why would it feel so troubling? See, sadness has been playing hardball with since Zeus knows when, and I have a strong feeling that I have gotten used to it to the point that it's not a big deal anymore, but now as it strikes again, it feels like something solid hits me. Oh well, I think we all just have to find our ways to get by, LOL

Unsent Letters

2011-07-17T09:21:00.000+08:00

In this time when almost everything is done electronically, I sometimes feel the want of doing things the auld way. In the past few months I've been writing letters. Yes, love letters as I may say but never had any of them sent, LOL. Maybe, I'll just wait for the time when I'll send these in bulk, or maybe not. These letters aren't that mushy as we all may think of, just simple things, simple words, simple thoughts that I would've shared with Muffin if she's here. One day I hope she'll have a chance to read these.

July 16, 2011

2011-07-16T06:15:00.000+08:00

For some reasons, I just have to take note of this date and the letters K, F and C :p

That Someone

2011-07-11T10:25:00.000+08:00

There will always be that someone whom you'll think you can get by without, whose absence is something you can get used to, but in the end, you'll end up yearning...longing...more than before. I guess that's just how it's going to be for me, so I'll give up on forgetting. I just can't...yet.

Brotherhood Beyond Blood

2011-07-10T16:44:00.001+08:00

I guess everything, at some point, really reaches its end. It’s kind of sad but it seems that everything is just a matter of time and we all just tend to cling on past experiences that made us feel that those stuff are meant to last forever. I don’t want to be so cynical but reality bites, big time.

Get Up

2011-07-10T11:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, you feel so sad about your life you feel that nothing is making any sense at all, but still you do your best to keep your game face on and show to the world that you're doing just fine. For some reasons, there's just no way you can wear your heart off your sleeves. But don't you love it when you can just cry your emotions out with someone feeling secured that you'll not be ridiculed or judged? I think that's how most people get by -- they always have that someone who can pick them up when they're down or atleast give reasons to get up after falling. Maybe, just maybe.

It's Been A While

2011-07-04T08:56:00.001+08:00

“Everyone has a happy place.”

I keep on remembering those words said by one of my closest friend before. Now, I realized that it has been a long while since I’ve been on my happy place. It’s a been quite a while since I felt that comfort of being somewhere you can breathe easily, some place where you can be at ease and not troubled by anything else. It’s been a while since I felt her presence, and yes, she’s my happy place. Any place where I can feel her, becomes somewhere special. I don’t know, I may be just a little crazy to be saying all these, or maybe I just miss her big time.

Happy place.

What Matters now

2011-07-03T10:09:00.003+08:00

Have you ever felt that there’s something wrong yet you can’t figure out what? As if there’s something trying to scratch its way out of your chest with sharp fingernails causing you a terrible pain that becomes so physical sometimes. Terrible. I guess that’s how to describe this. I feel awful, maybe this will pass, just maybe, or maybe not. I think I couldn’t care too much, as long as I get by each day, that’s what matters…for now.

What Matters now

2011-07-03T10:09:00.001+08:00

Good Morning(?)

2011-06-27T09:29:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, being able to get by is one of the most surprising thing you’ll find in your life…to some, at least. A friend of mine said she’s having a good morning and I said in return, “good for you, most of the time, ‘good morning’ is just a spiel”. She said I’m being so negative. I don’t know why I said that to be honest. Well, maybe because I’m being an arse. Hence I asked myself, when was the last time I said “good morning” in a way that I actually meant it? When was the last time I said “Oh I’m doing good” without me meaning otherwise? Oh well, I guess it has been a little while. See, being able to get by each day amid all the crap doesn’t mean that you’re getting by just fine. Maybe, you’re just getting by…and that’s it.

More Than Yesterday

2011-06-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

Today, I miss her more than how I did yesterday. It sucks, I know, but that's not the worst part, the worst part is the fact that there's nothing more to do to have the yearning be eased. Sometimes it happens, you end up longing for someone and that's it, that's the only thing you can do. Still, the yearning continues to burn like a fire that keeps you going...and possibly end up as the very same fire that will consume your sanity in the very end. I'm aware of the worst case scenario and yet, I still can't help but miss her...more than how I did yesterday.
Muffin.

A Skill To Master

2011-06-23T11:14:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, all you need to do is put up that game face so that nobody will recognize what's really wrong or how twisted you presently are. I guess that's one skill most of us have to master completely. This world, and life in whole, can definitely bring someone down, but as you get by each day, one important tool is not to show your soft spot, especially when it comes to a point that your ego is all you've got left. Who would want to see a miserable freak anyway? Nobody, I guess.
There are so many things I can't understand at the present time. It's not good for acceptance begins with understanding. How can you expect to accept something to can't comprehend. For the time being, though, the wisest move is to get by each day, put that game face on and hope that the day after or the day after that will be something unusual. Monotony can be dreadful, believe me.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm not really making any sense as I type these words, but it's my blog anyway.

Captive Of Your Charm

2011-06-20T10:47:00.001+08:00

Now here's this feeling
I just can't explain
Whenever you smile
Oh I forget my name

Things go on slo-mo
Colorful it became
My heart skips faster
Some say it's insane

I guess I've fallen
I've fallen for you
I can't escape your charm
Hits me through and through

Now I must confess
I can't get you off my mind
You're all I can think of
I think it's love I did find

Yes I've fallen
I've fallen for you
Captive of your charm
Got me through and through

Live Another Day

2011-06-19T10:06:00.001+08:00

I learned, first hand, that life can really bend someone down. Life can get so ugly but along with that lesson I learned one simple trick to get by i.e. always manage live another day. No matter how pointless things get, no matter how random things appear against your favor, no matter how you feel awful about the string of events, just always be sure that you'll be able to get by the next 24hrs. A come-what-may and live-by-the-day attitude might develop, but sometimes, those are what you'll ever need.

Live another day. It feels like a command than a thought.

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow the tables will all turn.

Gloomy Weekend

2011-06-18T10:46:00.001+08:00

It has been a gloomy week for me, and no wonder, it'll be a gloomy weekend, too. I don't know, for some reasons, things suddenly have gone from bad to worse and maybe it's fair to expect that the worse will even get worst in the next coming days.

I always get by, anyway. That's one trick in life; no matter how depress you become, all you need to do is to live another day and hope that "the other day" will be a better one.

So what would it be after this gloomy weekend that I foresee? I don't know. Birthday month is coming and I hope for just one thing...

Just one...

In Due Time

2011-06-06T14:14:00.001+08:00

Life will reveal its lessons when you're ready to learn. I don't know from where, but I'm sure I read that somewhere. Maybe that's just how life goes. It'll make you feel that you have so many things to know, so many things to understand yet it'll puzzle you day after day. There are so many things I can't understand as of this very moment, but it's now time to stop asking questions. Maybe, just maybe, the smartest move is to live by the day...

Can't Resist

2011-05-30T10:25:00.000+08:00

There’s nothing more to say
There’s nothing more to do
There’s just no other way
I can no longer be with you
You’ve gone too far away
Somewhere I just can’t go
Can’t ignore what the signs say
There’s just too much to know
Yet I can’t stop loving you
No, it’s one thing I can’t resist
Although you say you can’t love me too
With you I still hope for bliss
08:54, Monday May 30, 2011
Manila, Ph

MaLaCor

2011-05-16T10:26:00.000+08:00

Finally I was able to update my Muffing Poetry. All of a sudden I felt a rush of longing and sadness, and so I was able to write this piece effortlessly…
MaLaCor
I saw you in my dream,
oh how real it seemed
but as I wake up to reality
I felt nothing but grim
You’ve been so far away
I long for you each day
and I wonder if you think of me
as you go on to your own way
I miss you more than before
I feel I’m falling in love more and more
but the hopes are fading now
they begin to trot out of my door
Will I ever be with you again
How will this story end
I guess I wouldn’t know
some hearts can no longer mend
May 16, 2011, 01:41am
Manila, PH

Keep Your Zipper Zipped

2011-05-01T10:28:00.000+08:00

There are lots of things that we keep only to ourselves not because we want to, but because we have to. There were times that the wisest thing to do is to keep your mouth shut. Silence is holy, that’s what Nick Sparks said in his novel The Notebook. Silence is indeed priceless, but time will come when all you’ll ever want is to break that very same silence you built around you. Damn, I’m caught in an ethical dilemma once again. The things that I want to say are the same things I’m doomed to keep as a secret. Oh well, one day I’ll write everything then I’ll seal it hoping one day, when I’m gone and she’s still around, she’ll finally know the things I’ve always wanted to say. One day…but not today. For now, I’m keeping my mouth shut.

A Void You Can’t Fill

2011-04-25T10:29:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you fall in love and you fall so bad to realize that the only person you would want to love is the very same person you can’t be with. Then jealousy will come into play when you find out that she’s in-love with someone else.
I guess that’s just normal. You love, you get hurt then life goes on, or so they say. However, there’s just some void you can’t fill. Sometimes, moving on isn’t really an option. There comes a time when all you want is to vanish just like that and take all the pain and hurting with you.
I don’t know about you but what I know now is I’ve been missing “her” so bad. I think it’s more than a week since we last had a conversation, but lack of communication is not, and will never be, enough to make you forget someone you love the most.
Perhaps, her absence is the void I won’t be able to fill.

Never Know

2011-04-18T10:30:00.000+08:00

I wonder if you’ll ever know
how I really feel for you
It’s hard to just let go
when you’re feeling a love most true
I wonder if you’ll ever see
that you’re the air I breathe
but then I’m smothered by reality
that you’re the one I can’t be with
My heart pounds my chest
as if it’s wanting to get out
Perhaps it can no longer rest
when faith has been tarnished by doubt
All the things I believe in
Just seem so far away
The same life that I’m dreaming
might not see the breaking of new day
So I guess you’ll never know
how I really feel for you
But it’s still hard to let go
For I feel a love most true

Happy Place. Reality. Banished.

2011-04-17T10:30:00.000+08:00

My friend told me once that everyone has a happy place. A place where someone can breathe easily and forget all the worries in life. I believed her and I still do. Happy place. For a long time now I’ve been looking for my own happy place and after a long while, I think I found it. Everytime I feel Muffin’s presence, that very same place becomes my happy place. I feel like everything is possible and all crap will soon vanish into thin air. I feel like a child who found his relief in the comfort of his own home. I feel things, no matter how screwed up, will eventually fall into their rightful places. That is my happy place, a spot where I feel her presence no matter how far she really is.
Happy place. It’s the only place where I would want to be right now but reality banised me. How funny it is to realize that the one thing that makes you happy is the very same thing that smothers you? I just can’t imagine how hilarious it can be. It’s a joke. A joke put on me no matter how reluctant I was. This is fate’s joke if fate even exists in the first place. Reality doesn’t bite. It devours, tears you into pieces until you’re too broken to be put back together. Reality banished me from my happy place and one day, maybe, just maybe, I’ll get even.

160410

2011-04-16T10:31:00.000+08:00

April 16th of 2010, exactly one year ago, I met the fairest girl I’ve ever seen. It was the day when I reached the borderline of my dreams and reality. It was so amazing and I had hope to seize that moment I spent with her. I will always remember that day – that day when I felt the most innocent joy, the day when I felt that nothing is really impossible. When I saw her, my heart bounced like a jumping bean. I can’t contain my joy I almost had shouted out if I wasn’t able to control myself and kept my composure. When she was locked in my arms, I was hoping for time to stop just like that…just like that.
Now, a year after that blissful encounter, I’m here wishing for nobody but her. Wanting nothing else but to see her. Praying for only one thing, her love, as if praying is one of my thing.
Oh how I miss Muffin. I just miss her bad. So bad.

Minsan Ok Na Ang “Ok Lang”

2011-04-14T10:32:00.000+08:00

Tinanong ako kanina nung kaibigan ko kung kamusta na ako, parang auto-response na yung “ok lang”. Akala ko yun na yun pero may follow up pa pala, biglang nagtanong ng, “gaano ba ka-ok ang ‘ok lang’?” Bigla akong natigilan. Bakit ba kasi may mga taong medyo mas mausisa pa sa pangkaraniwan, pero gaano nga ba talaga ka-ok ang “ok lang”? OK lang na nakakatulog ka pa sa gabi at gumigising sa umaga. OK lang na kapag nagutom ka may pagkain pa sa mesa at pag wala naman, may pera ka sa bulsa na pambili. OK lang na pag wala kang magawa, may dvd player ka at pc na mapaglilibangan. OK lang na pag nalulungkot ka, may mp3 collection ka ng Pantera, Sepultura, Metallica, Slayer, etc. OK lang naman. Ok lang. Minsan ok na talaga yung “ok lang”. Mas ok nga lang sana kung…wag na nga lang.

Jealousy Is An Effing Monster

2011-04-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

I was there, lying comfortably in front of my PC when it came out of nowhere! I was stunned. Speechless. Terrified. It looked me deep in the eye as if wanting to devour me and drag my remains to Hell or whatever damned place. I had to run. Run as fast as I can to escape its grasp but he found my weakest spot. And so there I was, helpless. I don’t know. How can it ruin such a nice conversation? How can it just throw me to Hell from my Happy Place? Jealousy is a fucking monster.

Untroubling Troubles

2011-04-02T10:36:00.001+08:00

Yeah, I just made the word "untroubling", oh well. How much trouble do you have to get yourself into before it cease to bother you anymore? I hope there's really that point when you couldn't care much anymore. I think I'm in a deep trouble, so deep I feel suffocated just by the thoughts of it. During these days I hope she's here. I know it's like kid stuff but I really wish she's here, just here to feel at ease somehow. Oh well, that's a bit of insane thought anyway so I guess I'll just have to get by with other means. Damn it gets harder everyday.

Random Thoughts

2011-03-31T15:43:00.001+08:00

Read. Somebody might ask you what your favourite book is.
Some people are too smart for their own good and so they tend to complicate simple things.
Know your worth and you'll get what you deserve.
Don't play with the light switch if you're afraid of the dark.
Sleeping won't solve your problems, but it can recharge you to have the energy you need.
Don't use the words "I'm busy" to the people you care about
You can't choose if you'll fail or succeed, but you can always choose to try.
It's fine to talk to dumb people as long as you won't expect them to comprehend.
We're all created equal, it's our leverage that separates us from one another.
If you think you're bigger than life, one day, someone will prove you wrong.
Try to at least have 1:5 for the books you've read and the movies you've seen.
There's a very fine line between being cautious and being paranoid.
It's fine to make mistakes, but not learning from it is unacceptable.
It's fine to see people do bad things, what's disturbing is seeing them get away with those.
Don't cross the boss unless you're ready to get fired.
Be sure to appreciate each compliment you receive.
Sometimes, all we need is for the people to stop complaining.
Making mistakes is not the only way to learn.
Try not to say the words "I pity you" to anyone.
Sometimes the downside of staying is you get to see the people as they leave and it's not always a nice view.

Answering The Call

2011-03-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

It's been a little while since I last sat in front of a computer and blog my heart off my sleeves, LOL.
So where to begin? See, in the past couple of months I've been trying to avoid the mental activity of thinking. Whenever a thought crosses my mind, I drift away. Some people, to escape reality, eat a lot, some listen to loud music; as to me, I do both, haha!
But today is a different day, I'm answering the call of thinking and I'm starting with the seemingly most overrated topic *drum roll* LOVE.
Oh love is such a beautiful emotion a human can ever feel, yet sometimes loving someone so much can lead to most unimaginable pain. Don't burp, I know that's a way too mushy, hahaha!
I guess it's safe to say that I'm in-love with someone. When a friend asks me, "Why can't you just let her go? Staying in-love with her ain't doing you any good," I must admit, I wasn't able to say anything to defend myself. Yeah, I was caught off guard that time so I just did the wisest thing i.e. to keep my mouth shut. The question bugged me a little yet I managed to drift away, but now I asked myself, why really can't I let her go?
I guess that's just how love works, you fall for someone without forcing yourself to do so, and as a result, you won't be able to force yourself to fall out of it.
And so here I am, stuck in a love I don't know where I will be lead to, haha!
I'm starving, I guess I should stop now, LOL

Dreaming

2011-02-25T09:47:00.000+08:00

The only sad part on having a very nice dream is the part when have to wake up. Lately, I've been seeing her in my dreams more often than the usual. I guess I'm really all about loving her now...which I'm not sure if a good thing or not...

I guess I just have to keep on dreaming.

Won't Do Any Good

2011-01-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

Now what? Here I am again, stuck in front of my computer trying to let the time pass. Just another day, just another effin moment when I'll be here thinking of you.

I don't know, but maybe, just maybe, this is how it's really suppose to be, i.e. me spending the rest of the days longing for you. I can't seem to live a normal life without you, a real life without pretending to be fine, but dying won't do any good either. Definitely it can't bring me somewhere close to you. So what now? I don't know.

I don't really know.

Steal

2011-01-03T09:57:00.001+08:00

I want to steal your sadness and make it mine
I'll be a thief in the night and be gone in no time
For you deserve so much better
So much better than this
If only I can take your pain
I would and turn it into bliss

**another broken poem, perhaps

Can't Shake Off

2010-12-26T13:14:00.000+08:00

There are some thoughts that you really can't shake off. I guess I have much of those right now. I'm thinking, and thinking hard, on how the heck I can get something off my mind? I think there's no way I can do that. I think of her all the time; how she laugh, how she talked to me, her scent, her passion for life and almost everything about her. Maybe, just maybe, she has really become a part of me. I hope not though, because she's now a goner. Oh how I wish for that one special moment, yes, just one moment, not even an hour or a day, of being with her again to finally come, but hell, it seems so illusive now. Still, she's one thought I really can't shake off.

I've Always Wanted To Be With You

2010-12-19T09:06:00.002+08:00

I’ve always wanted to do things with you - dine, catch a flick, play video games, lie down and ponder life’s wonder, etc. I’ve always wanted to be with you the way I haven’t been, yet, now, it has become a far fetched desire in life. I’m left with the thinking of how great life would be if I’m to spend each waking day beside you, I guess it would be really really nice. Yes, I’m sure it would be nice and your absence break my heart into tiny pieces.

You're Silver, Happy Birthday Ching

2010-12-18T09:02:00.000+08:00

this is a poem I wrote for my friend, Sharline...

You were a stranger in my eyes long before

but after these years I hope you're not anymore

I'd love to think you're a friend who walked into my door

although you still make my heart jump off the floor

It's amazing how time flies so swiftly

and look how you've grown up so fair and lovely

But with those wonderful eyes, I don't know what you really see

I hope it's the brighter side 'cause I think you're feeling down lately

Let me make a wish, it's your day anyway

and it would be for your sadness to just pop away

You should know, your smile lightens up other people's day

so I'm sure The Big Guy will make things go your way

Be happy because you deserve nothing less

You have that passion for life that'll make you see though the mess

The dice will keep on rolling through the tests

but your beautiful heart will make you stand at your best

I'm sure of these things that I'm saying

just pardon the rhymes if these aren't so interesting

and for the closing, let me just say one more thing

HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY my dear Sharline

Rest In Peace

2010-12-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

The death of my highschool friend made me think more than how I've been thinking about life lately. Life is kind of unfair. There are those who die young yet they have a good life ahead of them, and there are those who live long when all they do is just to consume oxygen in our atmosphere and cause other pollution. It's really odd to think how fate played tricks on each human existence, i.e. if there is really such thing as fate. I don't know, he's not that of close friend but he's my classmate when we were freshmen and to think that PUPLHS is just a small scholl, 3 sections per year level, all of us know each other and have been friends in one way or another. I think I'm feeling sad right now. Sadness has been part of me lately and now the thought of untimely death elevates it to a new height.

I just hope you'll rest in peace, Jayson Omamalin. I would love to believe that after life, there's that place where pain and suffering don't exist.

Cul-de-sac

2010-12-11T10:25:00.002+08:00

Can't say goodbye to loving you
but must say goodbye to the dream
Need to drift on to what's sane
look away from what's grim

Can't say goodbye to loving you
but false hopes must die
Should love remain alive
there won't be a second try

You Wake Up

2010-12-10T10:02:00.001+08:00

You don't have to say goodbye to a dream, you just have to wake up from it. Dreams could've been your sweet escape, sanctuary, lucid interval, etc, but sometimes, dreams can just eat you alive, or your sanity if you may want to put it that way. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I thought I'll be able to write some lines now but mind suddenly went blank. Tears form behind my eyes. Damn.

Mental Shut Down

2010-12-08T09:18:00.001+08:00

I can't stop thinking about a certain person. Damn she's always on my mind from daybreak till I slumber my eyes to drift with the sandman. I'm thinking, if I can't get her off my mind, then I might as well shut down the whole thinking process if possible. With billions of nerve cells, the human brain is indeed one heck of a central processing unit that hopefully, we can voluntarily shut down anytime convenient to us. How I wish I can lie down and empty my mind out and drain all the thoughts in it. No troubles, no worries, no emotion whatsoever. But I can't...yet I think I just found out how...

Can't Go Back

2010-12-06T11:02:00.002+08:00

Life is a misery or monotonous if I may say, but I guess when I met her, things changed. But now I don't want to get into the mushy details, the point is once you're outlook in life was altered by the presence of other person, once that person is gone you just can't seem to go back to the old you. All that's left is longing for something special, for something nice, for love...love. Yes, I think I've fallen so deeply in love.

I can't remember how life was before her, and worse, I can't imagine how life would be in the future.

Dammit.

100 best English-Language Novels

2010-12-05T09:02:00.000+08:00

I would love to have these books. TIME critics Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo pick the 100 best English-Language novels from 1923 to the present...

A - B

    * The Adventures of Augie March (1953), by Saul Bellow
    * All the King's Men (1946), by Robert Penn Warren
    * American Pastoral (1997), by Philip Roth
    * An American Tragedy (1925), by Theodore Dreiser
    * Animal Farm (1946), by George Orwell
    * Appointment in Samarra (1934), by John O'Hara
    * Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (1970), by Judy Blume
    * The Assistant (1957), by Bernard Malamud
    * At Swim-Two-Birds (1938), by Flann O'Brien
    * Atonement (2002), by Ian McEwan
    * Beloved (1987), by Toni Morrison
    * The Berlin Stories (1946), by Christopher Isherwood
    * The Big Sleep (1939), by Raymond Chandler
    * The Blind Assassin (2000), by Margaret Atwood
    * Blood Meridian (1986), by Cormac McCarthy
    * Brideshead Revisited (1946), by Evelyn Waugh
    * The Bridge of San Luis Rey (1927), by Thornton Wilder

C - D

    * Call It Sleep (1935), by Henry Roth
    * Catch-22 (1961), by Joseph Heller
    * The Catcher in the Rye (1951), by J.D. Salinger
    * A Clockwork Orange (1963), by Anthony Burgess
    * The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967), by William Styron
    * The Corrections (2001), by Jonathan Franzen
    * The Crying of Lot 49 (1966), by Thomas Pynchon
    * A Dance to the Music of Time (1951), by Anthony Powell
    * The Day of the Locust (1939), by Nathanael West
    * Death Comes for the Archbishop (1927), by Willa Cather
    * A Death in the Family (1958), by James Agee
    * The Death of the Heart (1958), by Elizabeth Bowen
    * Deliverance (1970), by James Dickey
    * Dog Soldiers (1974), by Robert Stone

F - G

    * Falconer (1977), by John Cheever
    * The French Lieutenant's Woman (1969), by John Fowles
    * The Golden Notebook (1962), by Doris Lessing
    * Go Tell it on the Mountain (1953), by James Baldwin
    * Gone With the Wind (1936), by Margaret Mitchell
    * The Grapes of Wrath (1939), by John Steinbeck
    * Gravity's Rainbow (1973), by Thomas Pynchon
    * The Great Gatsby (1925), by F. Scott Fitzgerald

H - I

    * A Handful of Dust (1934), by Evelyn Waugh
    * The Heart is A Lonely Hunter (1940), by Carson McCullers
    * The Heart of the Matter (1948), by Graham Greene
    * Herzog (1964), by Saul Bellow
    * Housekeeping (1981), by Marilynne Robinson
    * A House for Mr. Biswas (1962), by V.S. Naipaul
    * I, Claudius (1934), by Robert Graves
    * Infinite Jest (1996), by David Foster Wallace
    * Invisible Man (1952), by Ralph Ellison

L - N

    * Light in August (1932), by William Faulkner
    * The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (1950), by C.S. Lewis
    * Lolita (1955), by Vladimir Nabokov
    * Lord of the Flies (1955), by William Golding
    * The Lord of the Rings (1954), by J.R.R. Tolkien
    * Loving (1945), by Henry Green
    * Lucky Jim (1954), by Kingsley Amis
    * The Man Who Loved Children (1940), by Christina Stead
    * Midnight's Children (1981), by Salman Rushdie
    * Money (1984), by Martin Amis
    * The Moviegoer (1961), by Walker Percy
    * Mrs. Dalloway (1925), by Virginia Woolf
    * Naked Lunch (1959), by William Burroughs
    * Native Son (1940), by Richard Wright
    * Neuromancer (1984), by William Gibson
    * Never Let Me Go (2005), by Kazuo Ishiguro
    * 1984 (1948), by George Orwell

O - R

    * On the Road (1957), by Jack Kerouac
    * One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1962), by Ken Kesey
    * The Painted Bird (1965), by Jerzy Kosinski
    * Pale Fire (1962), by Vladimir Nabokov
    * A Passage to India (1924), by E.M. Forster
    * Play It As It Lays (1970), by Joan Didion
    * Portnoy's Complaint (1969), by Philip Roth
    * Possession (1990), by A.S. Byatt
    * The Power and the Glory (1939), by Graham Greene
    * The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1961), by Muriel Spark
    * Rabbit, Run (1960), by John Updike
    * Ragtime (1975), by E.L. Doctorow
    * The Recognitions (1955), by William Gaddis
    * Red Harvest (1929), by Dashiell Hammett
    * Revolutionary Road (1961), by Richard Yates

S - T

    * The Sheltering Sky (1949), by Paul Bowles
    * Slaughterhouse Five (1969), by Kurt Vonnegut
    * Snow Crash (1992), by Neal Stephenson
    * The Sot-Weed Factor (1960), by John Barth
    * The Sound and the Fury (1929), by William Faulkner
    * The Sportswriter (1986), by Richard Ford
    * The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1964), by John le Carre
    * The Sun Also Rises (1926), by Ernest Hemingway
    * Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937), by Zora Neale Hurston
    * Things Fall Apart (1959), by Chinua Achebe
    * To Kill a Mockingbird (1960), by Harper Lee
    * To the Lighthouse (1927), by Virginia Woolf
    * Tropic of Cancer (1934), by Henry Miller

U - W

    * Ubik (1969), by Philip K. Dick
    * Under the Net (1954), by Iris Murdoch
    * Under the Volcano (1947), by Malcolm Lowry
    * Watchmen (1986), by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
    * White Noise (1985), by Don DeLillo
    * White Teeth (2000), by Zadie Smith
    * Wide Sargasso Sea (1966), by Jean Rhys

Graphic Novels

    * Berlin: City of Stones (2000), by Jason Lutes
    * Blankets (2003), by Craig Thompson
    * Bone (2004), by Jeff Smith
    * The Boulevard of Broken Dreams (2002), by Kim Deitch
    * The Dark Knight Returns (1986), by Frank Miller
    * David Boring (2000), by Daniel Clowes
    * Ed the Happy Clown (1989), by Chester Brown
    * Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth (2000), by Chris Ware
    * Palomar: The Heartbreak Soup Stories (2003), by Gilbert Hernandez
    * Watchmen (1986), by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons

Wishlist. Wishless

2010-12-05T08:43:00.003+08:00

Must have these stuff atleast before I make another wishlist for 2011's holidays.

1. Nokia BH 505 headset.
2. Ipad or notebook
3. Awesome sound system

I came to realize, most of the things I want are intangible...too bad though.

Happy holidays anyway.

Greatest Knowledge

2010-12-01T09:31:00.000+08:00

I think knowing when to stop is one of the greatest knowledge a man can attain in his lifetime. People complain about life and its monotony but hell, do the same thing over and over and let's see if you don't burn yourself out. Most people suffer for they don't know when to stop doing the things that aren't worth doing in the first place. Stop. Must learn to stop. Must. Must.

Dammit.

Saving Forever

2010-11-29T08:21:00.000+08:00

If a lifetime won't be long enough,
then I must live one more day,
for I'm saving my forever,
by loving you in whatever way

And though the days will be rough,
daily sorrow I might bear,
if it would be the price,
then I couldn't much care

I'll stay in-love with you,
foolish others might say,
so let me be a fool then,
for it's my passion I can't betray

Life may come to an end,
longing up to the last breath,
for staying in-love with you
there's nothing I will regret

And if a lifetime won't be long enough,
then I must live one more day,
for I'm saving my forever,
by loving you in whatever way

When Mellowing, I Love This One

2010-11-27T10:31:00.000+08:00

I've fallen in-love with this song the very first time I heard it...

There's Just No Stopping

2010-11-22T09:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, love becomes too strong to just let it go. That's what I'm feeling right now. Things are so obvious, assessment of the situation is a no brainer but still I can't seem to comprehend. I guess there's just really no stopping when it comes to loving her. Sleepless nights will still let me dream of her, awake. I know it's kind of crazy but what is sane in the first place? Christmas is coming and I can never think of any gift this season but...nevermind. I think Christmas will just pass by, much like any other days of longing.

Summer

2010-11-22T08:23:00.002+08:00

I long for Summer
the finest muse I've seen
Most nights I'm sleepless
yet still it's she that I dream

Hers is the scent that lingers
I'm a captive of her charm
If loving her is a crime
then a fugitive I'll become

Jealousy

2010-11-17T08:48:00.000+08:00

Jealousy is such an annoying word, just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me wanna throw up. I can imagine life living with this word or just the mere thought of it, but then I feel it. It breeds on me. I consumes my sanity, then I submit. Dammit! Dammit!

Jealousy is such an annoying word.

WTH is wrong with me?

Fated

2010-11-15T07:42:00.001+08:00

My love for her is, perhaps, an emotion I'm fated to feel, and her absence is a burden I'm doomed to bear. Day after day my love grows but my longing becomes worse. I guess it's really designed to be this way--love and longing coming hand in hand. Loving someone so much will really never be enough.
In this fast-paced life, I often feel that I'm stuck in a moment, lost in trance with the world around me just passing by. In solitude, my heart bleeds and my soul cries. I hear elegy for lost love and requiem for withered hope. There, in that moment, I embrace pain, misery and despair. With her absence, those moments strike so often. Pain becomes too much to bear.

Senseless

2010-10-24T10:13:00.001+08:00

Mine is of senseless existence
If you'll be out of my life
And now I'm seeing it'll be forever
I can't imagine how it would be like

Meaningless and insignificant
just a pigment of universe's expanse
Fooling myself that I'm sober
While I put my soul in trance

Because there's no way to fill the gap
no way to break the walls
If it's fate then let it be unquestioned
this world is not so small afterall

Must live with this longing
perhaps die with the pain that springs
I breathe in the reality of your absence
then suffocate with the poison it brings

Mine is of senseless existence
If you'll be out of my life
And now I'm seeing it'll be forever
I can't imagine how it would be like

Ligo Lang Ang Katapat

2010-10-04T09:29:00.001+08:00

Sa tuwing naaalala ko yung mga pagkakataon kung saan sinasabi niyang mamamatay na siya kakatawa, kahit papaano natutuwa na din ako. Minsan ang memorya ng tao e limitado lang sa mga gusto nyang maalala. Minsan talaga dumadating sa buhay natin na may mga taong mawawala na talaga sa circulation. Mahirap lang kapag nasanay ka na at parte na sila ng pang araw-araw mong buhay. Ang hirap lang kung minsan kasi para kang babalik sa pagiging sanggol na nag-aaral magsalita, maglakad at maglaro ng Gameboy. Ewan ko ba kung ako lang nakakaisip nito. May mga pagkakataon na pakiramdam ko may mga bagay akong kailangang gawin para makaraos sa isang sitwasyon, pero pag nalaman ng ibang tao yung sitwasyon na yun, kadalasan sasabihin nila na either kain, ligo o tulog lang ang katapat nun. Ayos.

Love, Burden, Insanity

2010-09-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel the urge to spill everything out, but then I realize that it's not just knowing what to say, but also what not to say. Silence-it has become a sanctuary for most people, but sometimes, silence will just suck up the remaining life in you, just like what it's doing to me.

The worst part of missing someone is that point when you realize that it's the only thing that you can do, yet you can't stop longing...yearning...and almost dying every minute reality eats you alive.

I guess I really miss her. I really, really do, but it seems nothing can be done. Still, there are nights when I go crazy enough to hope that maybe my phone will beep and then I'll see her name reaching out to me the way I can't reach out to her.

Love. Burden. Insanity.

Single Desire

2010-09-07T10:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we meet people that we'll love and stop at that, nothing follows, just that single desire to fall and stay in-love. I think I can be added on the list now. Too bad there's a dream that literally means everything and when that dream died, everything follows...I thought. But there's one left now, the dream to stay emotionally attached to her, the dream to keep her in my life in any way possible, the dream to stay just as in-love as I used to be. I would love to love her till my dying day.

Void

2010-08-30T09:59:00.001+08:00

There’s an emptiness in me
That which I have to live with
Knowing I’ll be apart
From what I’ll ever need

You’re the love that I know
The love I’ll always keep
But now you’ve become a dream
That I’ll only see when I’m asleep

Your absence left a void
One thing that can’t be filled
If it’s something I can’t control
Then it’s fate that got me killed

A dead man walking
Perhaps my soul is gone
Your love could’ve saved me
But what’s done is done

And so I lay lifeless as dead
Though there’s still air to breathe
But what’s the point on holding on
After losing the sole thing you ever need?

All I Wanted

2010-08-21T09:24:00.000+08:00

I'll be a hypocrite if I'll say that I don't want to hear her say that she loves me, but now, there's just one thing that I would want i.e. to be able to say that I love her. Sometimes even the simplest words can be so hard to say, knowing that she already knows it, still, there's like a thick wall dividing us...maybe it's called fate, and I'm hating it to be honest.

As If There's No Tomorrow

2010-08-13T05:28:00.001+08:00

I will love her with all the love a man can give to a woman, as if there's no tomorrow and although this ain't the first, it's perfectly fine if it'll be the last. I love Muffin.

Marked

2010-08-10T19:46:00.000+08:00

something taken from my archives...

Let me write something for you
Just in case you don't think I can do it
However, it may not be as good as others'
Since I'm not a full-blooded poet

But let these words flow freely
Like an emotion being let gone
As free as boundless thoughts
From a mind that fears no one

Words at their rawest and purest
Ain't down to hit around the bush
But hopeful it'll leave a mark
Like what maple did or the swoosh

For I want you to remember this
I fear I might not be able to say it again
So give me just one moment
Hope you will care to listen

I'll give up being in Utopia
For a chance to lie beside you
That's just a fair trade
I won't regret for a lifetime or two

I guess what I want say
Is that I love you so
I hope these simple words
Are enough to let you know

2:10 AM 10/24/2009

Sh*tty

2010-08-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

I feel so sh*tty right now. It feels like everything has gone out of line. Wherever I turn my sight in to, I seem to see a crappy view. Wtf is happening? It's a little too cynical to see the world in its twisted phase but I can't seem to help it, life sucks. It ain't a joke and I'm not laughing.

On Stealth

2010-08-03T08:32:00.003+08:00

How can put in to words
the love that makes me lose control
when I'm seemingly bewitched, my dear
by the charm of your body and soul

How would I know what to say
when your thoughts alone make my heart skip
moving restless like a jumping bean
lost in dreams though not asleep

How can I tell you what I feel
if distance has silenced my heart
like a thick cold wall between us
reminding me we're two worlds apart

So I'm stuck in a hallow zone
mumbling inaudible childish sounds
while I let this love and yearning shake me
creating cracks in this unfelt ground

And silent I remain
might eat my words and choke to death
Poor thing, what a waste
this love that was kept on stealth

Need To Be Back

2010-08-02T03:02:00.000+08:00

Dreams are shattered
Memories are fogotten.
Mind won't comprehend
for heart is broken.

Singing a lullaby
in a sleepless night
but the monsters underneath
are putting up a good fight.

Drowning in nostalgia
wanting to feel at home.
In a place surrounded by demons
it's suicidal to be alone.

I need to be back to you.
Having your love's my exorcism.
When loathing breathes in my neck
salvage me with your romanticism

Neon Genesis

2010-08-01T12:50:00.001+08:00

Taken from my favourite animé, neon genesis could just be the right words to say. Troubles rise like hell these days, so I guess each and everyone can use a new beginning. I myself must abandon some paths I chose to follow to allow myself to venture in new ones, though it might lead me to part with a feeling I tried to hold on to. Well, I think that's really how life goes. One must really know when to stop.

Vanquish Thee, Jealousy

2010-07-31T15:38:00.002+08:00

She's someone I can't help but love. I fall inlove with her, deeper and deeper as days pass. I know if I must stay in love with her I must deal with this feeling of jealousy as if it's a monster I have to vanquish, waiting to devour on my remaining strand of sanity. Why must someone suffer a great deal of pain just because that person loves someone so much? The answer is known, yet most of the time I still find myself puzzled. I love her to the fullest of my sanity, yet this jealousy I feel is really driving me crazy. Loving. Jealous. Hurt. :-(

Blog Again

2010-07-31T13:39:00.001+08:00

I miss blogging. Yung tipong magsusulat lang ako na parang nagkkwento. Nagulat ako noong nakaraang linggo nung tinanong ako nung college friend ko kung saan na daw ba ako nagb-blog ngayon. Hindi inakala na isa pala siya sa mga naging readers ko dati. Bigla talaga akong natuwa. Naisip ko, sana magkaron ulit ako ng sapat na oras at inspirasyon sa pagsusulat, para kasing natuyo na yung utak ko ngayon at nagkaron na ako ng ibang outlet i.e. listening to loud music. I've been dealing with same crap though, so I think, if I want to, I can write again, I can blog again.

The Other Side

2010-07-31T04:48:00.002+08:00

I had a happy birthday. Yes, I must admit I really had a good day. Muffin gave me a ring, and that completes it all. But now, everything's back to normal. I guess, I'm back on the other side. :-(

I Am Silver

2010-07-28T13:00:00.009+08:00

25 years of existence. I guess time flies quite so fast. I don't normally celebrate this day, but from time to time I try to think that having to live another year is something worth celebrating for. I used to say that those who celebrate their birthdays are those who feel thankful that they're still alive. Oh well, cut the crap David, puh-leeze! LOL

So what's worth remembering on this day, let me check some random events:

Tin, my colleague, cooked some pasta for me...and chicken too! It was enough to share to my teammates and they said it tastes good. I say it tastes "very good!"
The girl I admire in the office sang happy birthday in front of me, joking with her so called "operatic voice", hahaha! It was really nice.
So far 45 people posted something on my facebook wall to greet me, so nice of them, ;)
My ultimate crush back in college sent me an SMS last night to greet me *blush*, LOL
Of course, Summer also greeted me through SMS, it made me so happy!
Me and mum didn't have a fight, and it has been 13 hours since my birthday strikes at midnight, haha!

What else? Can't think of anything as of now, maybe I'm wasted, hahaha!

Anyway, I guess I'll just have to greet myself then, happy birthday to me ;)

Sa Radio Station Fan Page Lang Pala, LOL

2010-07-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

Gusto ko lang magkwento ng isang, para sa akin, e nakakatawang pangyayari, hehe! Around 4am, nakikinig ako sa FM radio nang may binati yung DJ, pamilyar yung pangalan...1st, middle and last name yung sinabi kaya sigurado ako sa sa fb fan page idinaan yung greeting, na dali dali kong pinuntahan and bingo! Siya nga! Haha! Siya na naging 'apple of my eye' noong college. Ang galing, may panahon na hinanap ko siya dito sa fb pero di ko makita, akalain mo, sa fan page lang ng radio station ko siya makikita, haha! I tried adding her pero di niya ni-accept, siguro masayang masaya na siya sa married life niya, LOL.

I'll Be The Addict

2010-07-11T16:15:00.000+08:00

Be the drug
and I'll be the addict
Someone who can't stop
and refuses to fight it.

You'll be my favourite addiction
one I wouldn't resist
but I will come out clean
if you would really insist

I'll ignore this love I feel
but I think it's impossible for me
So if you can, ask me not to stop
I'm addicted to loving you and let me be

Mix with the blood on my veins
I couldn't care how much it would cost
There's just no stopping it
For you're the one I love the most

So be the drug
I'll be the addict
I won't stop
I won't even fight it.

Inhibitions

2010-06-14T12:08:00.001+08:00

Bigla kong naalala yung sinabi sa book na The Informant ni James Grippando. Sabi dun strangers and lovers lang daw ang mga tao na pwedeng mag-usap without inhibitions. Naisip ko tuloy, yun siguro talaga yung dahilan kung bakit di ko masabi sa kanya yung mga gusto kong sabihin. Ewan. Kahit sa blogs ko di ko na rin talaga mai-post yung mga iniisip ko na para bang gusto ko na lang yun mabulok sa utak ko at makalimutan na lang balang araw. Damn inhibitions.

Balik Lagi Sa Step One

2010-06-06T09:46:00.000+08:00

Medyo matagal ko na palang di nakakapag-update. Hindi ko masabi na wala akong time kasi atleast an hour a day nakakapag-browse ako ng net. Hindi ko rin masabi na wala akong idea kasi sa blogging hangga't nakakaramdam ka, meron at meron kang maipopost. Siguro ang kulang sakin e yung "willingness" na magsulat. Sa cellphone ko ang dami nang drafts--mga one-verse poem na gusto ko sanang tapusin pero siguro sa sobrang hype ng emotion e hindi ko na alam kung paano itutuloy. Kapag nakarami mong gustong sabihin parang may fireworks display kung saan sabay-sabay na sumasabog ang mga makukulay na ideya. Gusto mong hulihin lahat, gusto mong tignan at panoorin nang sabay-sabay pero mahirap gawin. Sa bandang huli makikita mo na lang na tapos na pala ang palabas. Sa utak ko malalaman ko na lang na tapos na yung piyesta na ideya. Blanko na naman at makakaramdam ng antok, paggising, balik na naman sa step one.

Under The Blanket Of Starry Sky

2010-05-24T11:16:00.002+08:00

This time I won't go into details. ;)

I didn't imagine that I can lie beside her on the beach under the blanket of starry sky talking till the sun comes up...whew, I'ma treasure that moment. We were there, just talking about the things we agreed to talk about when we get to the beach, lying on the sand, listening to the soft hum of little sea waves, caressed by the cold breeze and watching the stars and waiting for them to fall. We saw four wishing stars, I think that's so nice.

I've always like that girl and I guess that moment is one of the so-called "first and last", though I hope it won't be, but whatever tomorrow brings, no matter how life goes in the future, I will always remember that one wonderful moment I shared with her.

Reminded of Summer

2010-05-20T16:55:00.000+08:00

The heat of summer reminds me of her coolness...bakit ba lagi ko siyang naaalala ngayon? Malamang dahil sa season, hahahaha! Inaantok ako pero di ako makatulog, mainit naman sa labas kaya dito na lang ako sa harap ng computer magmumuni-muni...

She's the girl whom I met two years ago...two summers ago if I may say. Let me take you back to the time when Multiply.com is still active with the power of ctrl+c and ctrl+v also known as copy-paste, hahaha!

May 6, 2008
...
Taga PUP din siya pero di na ako magbibigay ng iba pang detalye kasi di naman importante yung identity niya, mas mahalaga yung personality, naks!

Well, sa virtual world ko pa lang siya nakikita kaya naman mga utak pa lang namin ang nagkakatagpo, pero base sa mga pictures niya...hmmm, I can say na maganda siya but since I haven't met her in person, di ko masasabi na yun ang gusto ko sa kanya. I like her simply because of her wits, woot! Sobrang turn-on talaga ako sa mga babaeng matatalino pero hindi nerd. Ganun kasi siya, smart pero cool na cool pa rin. Kitang-kita yung trait na yun sa writings niya...poetry..essays, kahit sa mga blogs lang pansin mo na may sense magsalita yung tao sa likod nun, ehehe! Kung ang skill ko sa pagsusulat e 4/10, siya siguro 8/10, doble ng sakin.

Wala akong maibabahaging kilig moments kasi wala naman kami nun, LOL. Walang ganun pero aaminin ko, sa tuwing may reply siya sa kung ano mang post o comment ko, natutuwa ako. Natutuwa ako na sa kahit munting paraan napapansin niya ako. She's aware of my existence. Mataas ang tingin ko sa kanya. It seems all I can do is look up at her, perhaps smile or wave sometimes, but the good thing is as I look up, smile and wave at her, she's looking, smiling and waving back at me, cool enough! She's a nice, nice girl.

Natatakot nga lang ako kasi baka sa mga susunod na buwan di na isya maging ganito ka-active sa network, may pasok na kasi sa school...oo kolehiyala siya, woot!

I love the rain pero ngayon nakakaramdam nga ako ng lungkot kapag umuulan, naiisip ko kasi na patapos na ang summer. Baka pag tapos na ang bakasyon ng mga estudyante matapos na rin yung maliligayang araw ko dito sa virtual world with her, hehehe! Wag naman sana pero cool na cool lang ako ngayon. Live by the day, bahala na. Handa ako na balang araw bigla na lang din siyang mawala sa circulation pero steady lang...wag masyadong seryoso, kasi ano man ang mangyari, nakatatak na siya sa isip ko hindi lang bilang isang babae kundi isang tao ng sobra kong hinahangaan.

Matatapos din ang summer pero di naman mawawala ang alaala, bow.
...

Part yan ng blog ko dati, natutuwa talaga ako kapag nababasa ko yung mga sinulat ko dati...

Few weeks after that nagkita kami, enrollment sa PUP at napagusapan namin na ang haba ng pila kaya ginamit ko yung ehem, influence ko sa isang PUP employee who happened to be my bestbud's mother, hahaha! Sabi ko ipapakisuyo na lang namin yung regi niya sa pagbabayad and so it was done.

When I first saw I was like....DAMMMMNNN! SHE'S SO AWESOME!!! Hahahaha!

Ano na nga ba nangyari after that...I think few a month after nagkita ulit kami, by force...hahaha, paiyakan lang pero I was able to convince her to have late snack with me...sa Chowking, hahaha! That was the 2nd and last time na nagkita kami....selective memory ko kaya di ko na maalala/ayaw ko na maalala yung mga sumunod na nangyari, LOL.

Fast forward to present...

She's has graduated from college and she's now one helluva busy girl. Nakakausap ko pa rin kahit papaano sa FB...sa text din medyo medyo...sobrang rare I mean, but I will always remember that one summer in my life, I met a girl who "knocked me off my feet", hahaha!

I have more stories about her pero medyo sinumpong na ako ng antok...next time na lang, LOL.

Rhian, Rhian, Rhian, woot!

2010-05-20T16:19:00.001+08:00

I suddenly realized this girl is so awesome, LOL.

Profile:
Rhian Denise Ramos Howell or Rhian Ramos for short, made an abrupt transition to show business when she was cast as one of the female leads of the popular fantasy-action-drama TV series, Captain Barbell. It was through her McDonalds McJelly Trio TV Commercial that she was noticed by film producer Annette Gozon. She also starred in Lupin also with Richard Gutierrez. She currently works with Mark Herras in My Only Love.

Basic Information:
Name: Rhian Ramos
Nickname: Rhy/Ryan/Dennis
Birthday: October 03, 1989
Birth Place: Philippines
Showbiz Anniversary: November 30, 2005

Favorites:
Hobbies: Sleeping, eating, watching movies
Sports: None, my coordination is awful
Pets: My Doberman, Claw
Actors/Actresses
foreign: Tom Hanks
Movie: Peter Pan, Gladiator, Spider Man 1
TV Show: Captain Barbell
Singer/Band: Up Dharma Down, Radioactive Sago Project, Urbandub
Music: Rock, chill out
Song: “Total Eclipse of the Heart ”
Book: The Hungry Caterpillar
Personal:
Full Name: Rhian Denise Ramos
Adjectives that best describe you: Complex, persevering, genuine, passionate, obsessive-compulsive, chirpy
Fears: Bubblegum (hahaha) failing…
Pet Peeves: Bubblegum, ampalaya, unflushed toilets
Fashion: I have none. No basis for what clothes to buy
Fashion icon: None
Unforgettable childhood memory: Sitting at the side of a tennis court as a child and getting hit by the ball… ouch!
Most treasured item: Myself… I don’t put that at risk
Goals: To get through whatever challenges come my way
Role Model: All those that I see persevere no matter what
Questions & Answers:
Why did you enter showbusiness?
I suppose God wanted it for me. GMA-7 called me after seeing an advertisement I did and asked me to go to the auditions for Capt. Barbell. I didn’t want to, but my parents made me… good thing they did because I got the role and am enjoying myself.
What do you consider as the turning point in your career?
I think when I stepped in the audition room for the McDonald’s ads, God already had showbiz in mind because the way everything happened was as if the ad was reserved for me
If you weren’t in showbiz, what kind of career would you have?
Modeling, student
What is your biggest frustration/regret?
When I do something out of obligation and not trying my best
What do most people not know about you?
I’m just like everyone else! I have my own weird insecurities, my own special talents and my own kapalpakans! I can’t ride a bike, I have a birthmark on my left bum and lagi akong nabubulol!
What is your most unforgettable experience?
The phone call that turned my life around. Nung nalaman ko na ako ‘yung napili para gumanap kay “Leah” sa CB.
What are you most proud of?
That I’m a real person. I’m just me, I don’t pretend to be anyone else. I make mistakes and I accept that no one is perfect and kasali na ako doon. I don’t pretend to be anything more or anything less than what I am
What do you value most?
My morals, my beliefs, my religion, my purity, my family, my friends, my God and myself
What do you want to achieve?
I just want to get to the point where I am content, where I don’t need random things or certain people to make me feel complete. Actually, I’ve achieved it.
What is your advice to aspiring artists?
Just go for it. Never give up.

http://www.dpinoyweb.com/2008/03/10/rhian-ramos-biography

An Excerpt From Blatherford's Diary

2010-05-16T09:47:00.001+08:00

Some people fall in love in a usual way, but some fall in love in manner most people can't understand. Let's take a peep on Blatherford's diary...
**********************************

I will always remember the sound of her voice, the sweetness of her smile, the cheerfulness of her laughter, the kindness of her touch and the warmth of her embrace.
I will always treasure that moment when I felt an unexplainable joy just by laying eyes on her--that moment when I was finally able to cross the line between dreams and reality.
Now tell me, how mysterious love can really be? I guess we will never know. It's just like knowing the existence of something undecipherable. We, sometimes, fall inlove with someone though we know our odds are very low. Yet most of the time we choose to stay in love with that person even after our own acceptance of defeat. True masters know when to concede.
That very first meeting that we had will surely be one of the sweetest memory my mind and soul can ever keep. I would love to remember every single detail and smile each time it crosses my mind. Indeed, the happiest moments make the happiest memories. I hope I can put everything in writing so that when the day my body deteriorates, my soul will still remember how happy I was when I finally met her.
She's the friend I would love to keep, the girl I would love to adore and the person I would love to spend life with.
What's in it for a dreamer?
When time comes when nothing else matter and I'm about to see the final sunset in this winding road of life, I want to be able to say the words, "I love her the way I never loved anyone before".
How can I ever forget that moment when a person whom I goet to love in the world of fantasy suddenly came knocking into the doors of my reality? The happiness I felt is so real I can almost touch it as if it's something solid. To be able to look her in the eye, walk at her side and lock her in my arms are dreams coming true. The fusion of my dreams and reality lasted only for five hours, those are indeed the longest five hours of my life.

Alphonse de Lamartine Quotations

2010-05-14T09:39:00.000+08:00

A conscience without God is like a court without a judge.

Brutality to an animal is cruelty to mankind - it is only the difference in the victim.

Experience is the only prophecy of wise men.

Grief and sadness knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger than common joys.

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.

Habit with it's iron sinews, clasps us and leads us day by day.

If one had but a single glance to give the world, one should gaze on Istanbul.

Limited in his nature, infinite in his desire, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven.

Poets and heroes are of the same race, the latter do what the former conceive.

Private passions tire and exhaust themselves, public ones never.

Providence conceals itself in the details of human affairs, but becomes unveiled in the generalities of history.

Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

The people only understand what they can feel; the only orators that can affect them are those who move them.

There is a woman at the begining of all great things.

To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.

Ano Kaya Kung Panaginip Lang

2010-05-11T10:57:00.000+08:00

Naiisip ko sana tong buhay ko ngayon e isang mahabang panaginip lang. Yun bang lahat ng tao, pangyayari, lugar at bagay na naging bahagi ng buhay ko e hindi naman pala talaga totoo, tapos bigla na lang pala na hindi pala talaga ako si David Andrew Lasala.

Ano nga kaya kung ganun?

Siguro hindi ganito. Siguro hindi ganyan. Siguro hindi ginawa ni ganito yung ganyan. Siguro si ganito ganyan. Siguro. Siguro. PI. :c

Her Heart

2010-05-10T10:33:00.000+08:00

She had her heart broken
A sickening sad scene
Caused by a filthy unworthy man
One of the dumbest I've seen

I would love to break the man's neck
But it won't do any good
I would love to mend the lady's heart
I would if I could

But funny as it seems
We can't choose who to adore
Most times we love the ungiving
Who left us broken to the core

And so it's like a movie
I can't do anything but watch
I wanna get involve but I can't
As if I'm of no match

I wish I can save her from pain
I hope she will let me to
I would love to give her love
To last a lifetime or two

ILY :p

2010-05-09T11:03:00.003+08:00

Oh how I love this girl ;)